Steff Metal

Italian growler Cadaveria

It’s a long-held belief among self-righteous metalheads that girls can’t do extreme metal. Extreme Metal is probably the most aggressive, angry, violent form of music there is, and every study ascertains its audience as overwhelmingly male. There’s a kind of “lost boys club” surrounding extreme metal, a sort of grymm forest treehouse with a badly handwritten sign on the door: NO GIRLS ALLOWED.

But is this assumption true? Can girls growl, scream, grunt, rasp and shriek as well as you blokes?

It’s a good question, and one I attempt to answer in my post No Clean Chicks Singing, which is up at No Clean Singing, if you care to have a read.

I’ve been investigating underground female-fronted extreme metal for the last couple of weeks, and I’ve found some wicked new bands. You can hear a few over at No Clean Singing, or wait for the upcoming Metal Mistape.

Goats Cheese and Satan’s Knees \m/
Steff

Dear Steff Metal

Prom is coming up soon, and I’m really worried about it. I don’t have a date, and all the girls in my class are making such a big deal about it. My best friend has asked the guy I have liked for ages, and my group of usually-close friends are all pairing off, and no one has asked me, and I feel yuck and nervous about the whole thing.  

I don’t have the money to buy expensive dresses or shoes, and I’m clueless about makeup, etc. I want to wear something really awesome, but there’s nothing in the shops around town. Our school has strict rules on what can be worn – no low-cut necklines, no mini-skirts, which cuts out lots of the Lip Service stuff, etc.

Do you have any advice?

***

Let me preface by saying we don’t have “prom” in New Zealand. We have a “School Ball” which is pretty much the same concept: it’s for yr 12 and 13 students only (the last two years of high school – Juniors and Seniors, I think you call them), there’s a theme and a committee and everyone dresses up and gets horribly trashed at the after party. They are a big deal, and a lot of time and effort goes into planning them (even at my high school, which was a poorer public high school in a tiny town), but they probably don’t compare to the hype surrounding Prom at US high schools. So, while I’ll try and answer as best I can, I’m only working with my own experience and what i know about Prom from reading Sweet Valley High books.

Prom isn’t really an “alternative” or “metal” thing. You dress up in pretty, feminine dresses, or a suit or tux, spend a lot of time and money on jewellery and makeup and hairdos, you slow dance or shuffle to pop or ballroom music, you drink punch from plastic wine glasses, pose demurely in front of painted backdrops, and you do this for about five hours before you finally get to go to the after party and get shit-faced.

dress from Sisters of the Moon

Everyone makes a big deal out of Prom because:

1. As little girls, we all watched Disney movies like Cinderella and always wanted to dress in ball dresses and dance with a prince. It all seems so lovely and magical and we would love to forget about the difficulties of our life and experience that magic for one night.
2. As guys, we do these things for girls becuase we know the after party is the best party of the year and the girls are in that fairy-tale mood which means we’re probably going to be out all night, if you know what I mean.

The dream is nice. The reality of Prom is a little different.

 I shall tell you about my two school balls: The first one, I had a boyfriend, but he was in year 11 and not allowed to go. my BFF Linley had a boyfriend, Trev-a, who was two years out of high school, and thus allowed to go. So she hooked me up with a friend of hers, Ben, who she’d “always wanted to take to a ball”. We’d met briefly before and he seemed to be a nice - although shy - guy.

So I was to be taking this Ben guy, and Linley was taking Trev-a, and all was right with the world. We got ready at my house (in the same town as the ball) and then were staying the night at Linley’s house in the next town over. We would not be going to the after-ball, as we were too unpopular to be allowed to buy tickets.

My dear Mother Metal got stuck in Ball-fever and decided to make my dress, as she knew (rightly) no ordinary ball dress would do. My dress (which I still own and still fit) is a beautiful burnt orange, with a full skirt of tulle and satin, a corset-style top, and a stole. it’s gleaming and luminous and totally not what anyone else would wear, and I loved it.

There were no digital cameras back in the day, so I don’t have a picture, I’m sorry :(

We brought shoes and black pearl jewellery and had a makeup lesson and brought makeup and gold wire hairbands and all up spent a small fortune (I won’t say how much in case Father Metal is reading this blog and has a heart attack). It was really fun shopping for these things and being excited about something with my mum, who really does “get” me.

Unfortunately, she’s not the most organised lady in the world, and was, in fact, still sewing my dress the night of the ball. But that just makes me smile.

Rebecca dress, from Dare Gothic UK

You can probably guess how the evening played out. Linley and Trev-a danced and whispered sweet nothings to each other, and Ben and I awkwardly shuffled and tried to have a conversation.

We had nothing in common. I mean, nothing. I thought Ride the Lightning was the best album ever recorded, ever. He liked christian worship music and thought a song from the point of view of a biblical plague (“Creeping Death”) was blasphemous. I loved horror films, he liked romantic comedies. I liked art and history and archaeology and dinosaurs and classical writers, he believed the world was 4000 years old and played soccer. Awkward silence ensued, and didn’t leave for the rest of the evening.

(I’m not against anyone having the above beliefs or hobbys, just trying to show how little we had in common.)

Everyone looked amazing, but they were still the same people I went to school with. They ignored me or sniggered about the colour and style of my dress, save a few nice people who went out of their way to say something nice (there were several “nice”, more popular girls who never did anything to hurt anyone and were always nice to me and my ilk, but just had so many friends already they didn’t need us. There were several people who just found us too weird, and several who were outrightly mean.)

The music was shite. The theme was “Wild Wild West” and the decorations consisted of hay bales strewn about the place. If you weren’t dancing, the music was too loud to talk, so we just stood around, nodding and drinking more and more of that non-alcoholic punch and counting down the minutes till I got to go home.

After five hours of this, you start wondering what’s wrong with you. Everyone else is having a blast, why can’t you? Why can’t you be the princess? Why can’t you fit in?

I repeat: balls are not for alternative people, just like one of those popular people would feel out-of-place at a metal show. They’d stand at the back and wonder why they just don’t get it. You can’t dress everyone up in nice clothes and expect them to become different people – you’re still the weird person, and they’re still whoever they are.

When the ball came around in my seventh form year, I decided it had to be different. I no longer had a boyfriend, but had acquired a much larger group of about 20 friends, made up of various outcasts and not-quite-rights. We were drama geeks, Christians, pagans, goths, nerds, gamers, genuine weirdos, and one rugby player who preferred our company to his own herd.

I didn’t want to take a partner for the safe of having a “partner” again, so I just went alone. Alone but not alone, for we all gathered at my place for pre-ball drinks, nibbles and photos. I’d found an amazing deep purple medieval-style velvet dress to wear, complete with lacing and bell sleeves and D-rings galore. I curled my short hair into tight ringlets and wore flat, comfortable shoes. Trev-a brought me a corsage. We took humorous photos and piled into my uncle’s vintage cars for our ride down to the ball.

We danced all night – with each other, in big circles, in a weaving “walk-like-an-egyptian” line through the crowd. We invented silly dances, and headbanged to the slow songs. We took silly photos. We took nothing seriously. One of my friends, Iris, got voted the princess of the ball, and we cheered for her loudest of all.

The five hours sped by, and we returned to my house for our own afterball, an all-night party just for us. Mother Metal stayed up with us too, making chilli fries and chicken nibbles, and Father Metal cooked a huge breakfast in the morning.

One ball was horrid, one was awesome. The difference was my attitude. You have to make the ball experience fit you and who you are.

Be yourself, and realise no one changes just because they’re dressed up nice. The cool kids are still cool, and the weird kids are still weird. Instead of lamenting it, embrace it.

prom dress from Fairy Goth Mother

Buy a dress you want to wear: try Sisters of the Moon or Gloomth or Dare Gothic or Fairy Goth Mother, or find someone to sew you one. Remember Lip Service cater to a specific market – they sell a lot of PVC / fetish / industrial style – if that’s your thing, roll with it, otherwise, what about a more medieval dress? A Victorian or Edwardian ensemble, a 1940s pin up outfit, something covered in skulls, or even a steampunk costume? If you don’t like dresses you could always go in a tux - I went to a ball with my BFF Shane once, where he wore a beautiful pink dress and I wore a top hat and tails. I will find a photo of that and post it later today.

Instead of the usual accessories, brandish a steampunk ray gun, wear a top hat, carry a fan, add some devil horns, wear stripy Alice stockings, buy day-glo dread falls - heck, just do whatever you want.

Organise a pre- and after-ball for your friends, one where you can do what you want - don’t sit around and watch the popular kids get drunk. Be silly, be weird. Hell, you’re expected to, right? You might as well live up to your reputation.

If you don’t like makeup, don’t wear it. No one will notice. If you want to wear your New Rocks under your dress, do it. What are they going to do, kick you out? If so, sounds like a dumb party anyway. “I got kicked out of Prom” makes a great story for the kids one day, don’t you agree?

another beautiful gothic prom dress from Fairy Goth Mother

The music is going to be crap, so make up some crap dances to go with it. We love doing the “egyptian” (you know how it goes!) and lining up along one wall and doing the box step, all in unison. It looks like we’ve choreographed it. I have a signature dance called the “jittery pengiun” and my BFF Shane is a particular fan of the “Cat Burgler”.

Did your best friend know you liked this boy before she asked him? Has she asked him to go out with him or because she was afraid to go without a partner? If you go as a big group of friends, everyone constantly swaps partners on the dance floor, so you’ll probably have time to dance a little with that boy you like. Don’t waste that chance – tell him he looks amazing, smile and have a great time. Be the life of the party and even if you didn’t get the guy, you might have intrigued the guy enough that he might find opportunity to get closer to you in future (unless of course he and your friend are genuinely falling in like, in which case disregard this paragraph).

Lastly, don’t go to the after-party just because it’s meant to be the best party of the year. Go if you get on okey with half the people attending the party. Otherwise, it’s going to blow chunks. Have your own party, or why not go to a show or club instead? Be with your people, and sod all the rest.

I sincerely hope you have a wonderful time and I would love to hear all about it and see photos, if you cared to send them in! Other Steff Metal readers, I’d love to see pics of you in your prom / ball getups, metal or goth or no. Send to steff AT steffmetal DOT com.

Don’t forget, I can only keep writing this column as long as people email me with questions. So if you want advice on something, anything, no matter how serious, no matter how trivial, shoot me an email, and I’ll see what I can do.

Horns Up \m/
Steff

Urgh, apologies for being a little late with the ole Linking Horn of Apocalyptic Thunder this week: I’ve been a bit snowed under with work. Novel edits are going incredibly slowly since CDH gave me a fascinating book on a certain incident in history that can be manipulated into my plot to make it 5 kinds of awesome, but involves moving the whole thing ten years into the future and adding maybe 10 000 words. When / If you get to read it, you will thank me (I hope) because it’s quite fun.

You can buy your very own set of Bates Motel Towels. One day, we will own a set of these, to go with our blood-spattered bath mats.

Slightly bondage fashion shoot from Tush Magazine. Some of this is NSFW.

As a writer, I follow the developments in the publishing industry closely. Everyone’s talking about ebooks – when will they become our evil overlords? Personally, I am looking forward to the impending ebook apocalypse – while print books will always have a place in the market, the publishing industry can be very wasteful, and I’d love to be able to travel with a device the size of one book that could carry thousands of books. Plane rides would just fly by (oh dear). Anyway, Agent Nathan Bransford agrees. Read his response to e-book skeptics.

by Black Lotus clothing

Gothic / Tribal fusion bellydance clothing from Black Lotus. Wow.

March is Metal Month over from EMI. Over on Metal Insider, they’re giving away the Megadeth reissue back catalogue (US residents only, poo) and you can download an 11 track sampler album for free, featuring rare, unreleased songs from Fear Factory, Five Finger Death Punch and Lacuna Coil.

In wedding porn, Offbeat Bride’s featuring Ouiji Board Save-the-Date cards. I think StD cards are stupid – it’s like sending a “pre-invitation”, but these are cool. The idea could easily be adapted into other ephemera. Also, here’s a punk / rockabilly bridal shoot and some Poe-themed wedding invitations. Nevermore as a wedding theme? Ok-ay.

I used to love Pestilence. They’re doing a tour of the US, their first in 16 years. Who said the US doesn’t get any good metal?

Female Illustrators of the mid-20^th century blog. Doubleplus Wow.

Baroque Bleak Brutal dissects a concert flyer, to the amusement of all (except possibly the poor band who made the flyer). Br00tal

“Heavy Fundementalism: Music, Metal and Politics” the ebook is available for free download. Written by an international team of academics, the ebook includes such stirring works as “Metal Community and Aesthetics of Identity”, “Machine Guns and Machine Gun Drums: Heavy Metal’s Portrayal of War” and “I’m a Metalhead: the Representation of Women Letter Writers in Kerrang! Magazine”. This looks like the sort of thing I’d love, and I’ve got a few nights home alone this week, so I’ll see if I can get a review up for y’all.

Haute Macabre reports a rumor that Gareth Pugh will be taking over as fashion director of the Alexander McQueen Fashion house, after the latter’s suicide last month. I couldn’t think of a more fitting successor.

No Clean Singing’s post on heavy metal cats. Yes, that’s right. This is why No Clean Singing is made of Awesome.

What are you reading this week? 

Horns Up! \m/
Steff

I know it’s been a week, but I took these before the Rocky Horror Picture Show hen’s night I went to last weekend, and totally forgot to post them.

I am wearing:

• white shirt with ruffly sleeves, Farmers
• satin slip nightdress, present from mum
• black dress, from Salvation Army op shop
• black shirt, from Salvation Army op shop
• black wool stockings, present from CDH-in-law
• Jeffrey Campbell boots, present from Mom and Dad metal :) (love you guys!)

I am meant to be Magenta, although I am more like “Magenta after she’s had her hair straightened.)

I am re-re-re-RE-editing my novel before it goes to the editor (hopefully end of March-mid April) and adding more paintings to the shop. What are you up to today?

Steff

Yarrrrrrr!

Pirates, the oft-forgotten metalheads of the seven seas. Drinking and plundering and pillaging and sword-fighting and drinking some more, and making up phrases like “Yarrrrr!” and “Keel Haul!” and “But why is the rum gone?” What’s more metal than that, I ask?

The romanticised pirate life – more popular than ever thanks to the “Pirates of the Carribbean” franchise – appeals to many metalheads, and it’s no surprise (at least, not to me) that “pirate metal” will soon because one of our legitimate sub-genres.

Pirate metal bands share one common trait – they sing about pirates. The music is generally folk-influenced, but pirate metal bands can also play death, punk, thrash or power metal, as long as they wear silly hats and sing about wenches … and mead.

I’ve included a few of my favorite pirate metal (and pirate non-metal) songs.

Running Wild – Conquistadors

The ultimate pirate metal band, and proof that Germany produces some of the best metal. From the Port Royal album, released in 1988, when I was three years old:

Running Wild performed their last ever show (although they’re a metal band, so satan knows how many “comebacks” they’ll do) at Wacken 2009, and I was there, and it was awesome, and of course they played “Conquistadors”. I am up the front at this point (but you can’t see me):

Alestorm – Wenches and Mead

Who can’t admire a band that manages to write two albums and several EPs about nothing but pirates? I’ve been a fan of these guys back when they were a local Scottish act called Battleheart, with two shitty-sounding EP’s available for free download from their website.

As word spread, Battleheart grew more and more popular until they got enough interest to sign a record deal with Napalm Records, who asked them to change their name to avoid confusion with Battlelore, also on the label. They’re darlings of the Europe festival circuit, and lovely guys to boot.

Alestorm is a true success story for online promotion and word of mouth in the community, and they deserve success. From their 2008 album Captain Morgan’s Revenge, “Wenches and Mead”:

Running Wild – Jolly Roger

Deserving of two places on the Pirate Metal list, Running Wild’s classic from 1987’s Under Jolly Roger. My friend Jonowar used to sing vocals in a cheesy power metal band called Warbeast, and they covered this song, which was my first introduction to Running Wild:

This is a fan tribute video, and it’s full of cheesy wipes and silly effects, but it’s quite sweet. The sound is TERRIBLE, however. So if you’ve never heard the song before, listen to the first one, please!

Nick Cave – Fire Down Below

In 2006, an 2 CD album came out called Rogue Galley: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanties, featuring various artists covering old sea chanties, pirate songs and folk ballads. I heard my all-time favorite man, Nick Cave, was on the album, so of course I had to hear it.

It’s an odd mixture of styles – some songs you love, some you hate - with a thick leaflet of linear notes explaining the origins and history of each song. Nick Cave does two songs on the album, and this is the better of the two. I just love Nick’s voice over this riff. Warning: there are a couple of swear words in this.

Battlelore – Buccaneers Inn

Metal Archives defines them as Symphonic Epic Metal, and while I might debate this definition, I definitely like this song. From 2003’s Swords Song album, the Buccaneer’s Inn rips into the cool tinkling keyboard melody that manages to sound simultaniously like horses galloping, water dribbling and beer sloshing around in a near-empty tankard.

I’ve always loved how Battlelore keep their riffs incredibly simple and catchy – the focus here is on the storytelling aspects of their songs and the interplay between the harsh male and melodic female vocals.

I saw Battlelore live at Bloodstock last year, and wasn’t impressed (they had sound issues for 25 minutes, but the female vocalist isn’t strong enough to sing well live) but on record they still sound amazing. Clever geeks will pick up the LotR references:

Gavin Friday – Baltimore Whores

Another favorite of mine from the Rogue’s Gallery album – listen to the lyrics! (Warning: bawdy lyrics)

Finntroll – Jakten’s Tid

Not strictly “pirate”, and I have no idea what it’s actually about because I’m not fluent in Swedish, but Finntroll’s use of traditional Finnish humpaa really brings to mind a pirattey setting. This is another fan video, made for a school project, so show them some love!

Swashbuckle -Cruise Ship Terror

I saw these guys at Wacken last year, and they honestly didn’t impress me much, but I’ve been giving them a second chance, and they’re actually quite good. Swashbuckle has a dirty US thrash sound. It’s a lot less “catchy” than everything I’ve listed above, but worth a listen. A bit more raw and brutal, like pirates really were. This is from 2009’s Back to the Noose.

Yarrrrr! Any more wicked pirate songs to share?

Fire the Cannons!
Steff

What did you do on Sunday? I had the best day ever.

See? We did actually hijack a train.

CDH and I and 20 of our closest friends spent the day at Glenbrook Vintage Railway. Now, this may not sound exciting, but with 20 metalheads, anything can … and does … become automatically awesome.

I decided I wanted a steampunk-themed birthday party, to celebrate finishing (and possibly selling) my steampunk novel this year. As you all know, metalheads love to dress up, so the idea of pulling out the corsets and crinolines and bustles and fantasy goggles appealed to all our friends, who put serious effort into their costumes for the day.

Amy and Kelli rocking their handmade steampunk outfits

Amy and Kelly came around to our place earlier to get dressed. They made their steampunk outfits themselves, and had raided the local antique shops for their hats and watches and telescopes.

Gallery Serpentine corset

I'm on a train! (it's cooler than being on a boat)

I wore:

• black tulle skirt, $4 from second-hand shop
• black ruffled shirt, from Smoove, a present from friends for my last birthday
• Forest green corset, from Gallery Serpentine
• Pandora beads, including cute new Pumpkin bead from Jessocles and JP for my birthday
• Top hat, from Camden markets – with Essex badge and cameo broch on it.
• fingerless gloves, Glassons
• chainmail spike bracelet, gift from BFF linley from the US
• Leonardo de Vinci socks, from Sock Dreams (gift from parents – who rock!)
• Jeffrey Campbell boots (another gift from parents – who doubly rock!)
• studded SDP belt (from somewhere in Aus), Skull and crossbones belt (Supre, of all places!), eyelet clip thing from bondage pants, chains (from Glassons, years ago!), leather pouch from a pair of binoculars

Iris and Steff

Iris looked beautiful, as usual, and had her goggles made by a friend who creates movie props. They looked amazing.

Kelli, Aaron and Amy

Aaron looked like a dapper genteel serial killer. He made his glasses himself, including the laser sight.

You rang?

Liz in her steampunk costume

Liz had another awesome costume – she made her goggles and watch herself, and found her jewellry and her wicked camera (you cn just see it behind her arm) at an antique store.

Tarah and Tim in steampunk costume (beautiful photo by Ryan Fogarty)

Tarah – who I think must be one of the most beautiful ladies in the world - and Tim, looking quite dapper for a drummer.

Levi's got me!

CDH - the "running wild fan"

CDH came dressed as “a Running Wild fan”. He prefers to stand behind the camera.

Help!

If you want to have a similiar birthday, these tiny vintage railways exist all over the world. They’re usually run by volunteers and are quite inexpensive to visit. We chartered a carriage for the entire day for $250, which split between 20 people, turned out to be about $12 each, plus $1 extra for a jigger ride. The railway put some trestle tables in the carriage for us and we each brought a plate of food and drink to share.

Horns Up! \m/

We had heaps of fun taking crazy photos on and off the trains. The Glenbrook railway stops at the maintenance sheds for 10 minutes each trip, so we had several stationary trains to climb over as well. The other visitors kept stopping us for photos – and the volunteers thought us great fun.

So long! Do forget to write!

I’m going to have to think of something extra-awesome for next year to top this. Any ideas?

Steam up!
Steff

You might notice a little change on the sidebar. On the request of a few readers from the survey (which you totally need to fill out if you haven’t already. I’ve had so many ideas from reading all your answers) I’ve created a Steff Metal Facebook Fan Page, and you can become a fan and read new posts as they go live, as well as look at photos I put up and participate in Facebook-only discussions and giveaways! That’s Grymm! So become a fan and tell your friends :)

Ah, anime, is there anything you can't teach us?

This post deals with the second half of a question I recieved last week, about dealing with being a metalhead at high school. I wanted to deal with the topic of school uniforms seperately, so we could have some fun without belittling the first part of this reader’s question, which is something quite near to many of our hearts.

As a teenager at high school, this reader wanted to know how to look “metal” while still obeying the school’s uniform policy.

We metalheads do love to look the part and I’m the first to admit I devote more time than perhaps necessary to sourcing the perfect metal fashion and accessories. It’s fun, it fosters community spirit, expresses my deep, unending love for all things metal, and supports other independent, subculture designers, so it is all good.

Except if you’re at high school, and your school has a uniform or a dress standard that forbids Slayer shirts and pentagram necklaces. What’s a teenaged metalhead to do?

You can’t do anything about the uniform. Well, you can write angry letters to the school board about the lack of ability to express yourself and the high cost of uniforms for low-income families and the anachronism of uniforms in the modern world, and you might get somewhere, but chances are, the school wants a uniform, and with a uniform it shall stay.

And yes, I was a student who wrote letters to the board about the anachronism of uniforms in the modern world, and I believe I did indeed use the word “anachronism” and possibly the word “post-modernism” and it got me nowhere, although the principal did enjoy my letter.

You could flout the rules totally and show up in your favorite band shirt and leathers – but you might get expelled, which is totally metal but might make it difficult for you to get a job.

You have to think of uniform policies as less of a set of “rules” and more of a challenge in lateral thinking.  The teachers enforce these rules in order to get you to think of ingenius ways of flouting them without getting caught. It’s a mental challenge to you, and also an exciting game for them: teacher’s collect confiscated items like trophies – and the more interesting the items, the more “teacher scene” points they get from their colleagues. These are cultural rituals important to every teenager’s experience of high school, and should be regarded with spiritual devotion.

Who's gonna confiscate her accessories?

Despite my own high school’s strict policy regarding accessories, every student wore their own “bling”. We kept it understated, so we couldn’t get pulled up for it, but a statement we did make. The Christians wore crucifixes, the Hip-Hoppers wore hundreds of rings on their fingers, the popular girls wore necklaces from their boyfriends, the cute girls decided to forgo the generic blue and gold school scarf for soft, fluffy pink ones. My BFF Shane wore a monkey t-shirt under his white shirt and a bead necklace, my other friend Amy wore a pentagram necklace which caused her no end of grief, another friend wore a spiked dog collar under her shirt. Everyone had more piercings than the alotted 1 per earlobe.

And sure, this stuff got confiscated regularly. But you could always get it back, after the teachers had bragged about their catch and earnt their scene points, of course. Plus, you’re rebelling against the system, which is all kinds of metal.

If you have to wear a necktie, find one in your school colour with a screenprinted design. I love the steampunk and skull designs from Rok Gear. You probably won’t get away with wearing this tie for long, but you never know.

Steampunk Skull necktie, $25, from Rok Gear

Hats! You need a hat to keep the sun off, right? Some schools issue those horrid baseball caps with the school logo, but who’s going to notice if you wear something different, eh? I am a particular fan of anything procured from an army surplas store (although maybe stay away from the pith helmets. A little conspicuous).

Necklaces can be worn by guys and gals. I find anything on a leather thong looks great tucked under the collar of a white shirt – Thor’s hammers, occult symbols, even Wacken dog tags. Try to keep jewellery to only one statement piece: if you’re wearing a metal necklace, put plain studs in your ears. If you have a spike through your nose, don’t wear any other jewellery. You don’t want to overdo it!

Metal wristbands

At my high school it was a mark of honour among certain groups to wear the wristbands from a New Zealand Christian music festival for months or years after the festival took place. Having never been to said festival, I can’t comment on whether it warrented such elite treatment (it could have been awesome. I don’t know). But if you’ve been to any metal fastivals, consider keeping the wristbands on year round as a sign of your kvltness.

The other oft-forgotten totem of individuality at high school is the school bag. I’ve never heard of a school placing rules on the colour and style of school bags allowed, so metal yours up with spikes and studs and band patches. Throw it in the dirt so it looks all old and scungy. If you don’t want a backpack, opt for a messenger bag or army-surplas store utility belt instead.

Carry your essentials in pencil cases made from army ration tins, PVC and spikes, coffin-shaped purses, Viking-style leather pouches and remnants of old metal shirts.

Hair – wear it down, wear it long. Keep a hairtie around your wrist in case you’re told to tie it back, but pull it out again later. You can’t practise

Go all-out on mufti days. Seriously, go crazy. You have nothing to loose, save your dignity, and you’re a metalhead, so you don’t give a fuck about that.

Remember that above all, metal is an attitude, not a fashion trend. If you are metal, you will look metal, no matter what you wear.

Horns up! \m/
Steff Metal

Church of Our Lady (Dresdon) and Flatiron Building lego sculptures

Femme Falate, shot by Patrick Demarcheliar for Vogue Germany (August 2009). Warning: bondage themes and not safe for work. If this is the usual caliber of shoots, I am looking forward to reading Vogue Germany when I eventually move there. A lot of the accessories on this shoot were from Fleet Ilya,

If you’re an urban fantasy / paranormal romance writer with a finished manuscript, Guide to Literary Agents blog is running a “Dear Lucky Agent” competition. Submit the first 150-200 words of your unpublished, book length work of urban fantasy / paranormal romance (adult or YA) and blog / tweet about the contest. You can win a critique of your work by an agent, or a one-year subscription to writersmarket.com. I’ll be entering, for sure.

From Rock n’ Roll bride, November Rain: a Guns n’ Roses themed wedding.

Liz, from The Devil Music, has just finished reading Ozzy’s autobiography. She recommends picking up the book if you’re interested in Ozzy’s life. Here’s the guts of her review:

My impression is of a unintelligent,lovable, ordinary man put in extraordinary situations and ingesting tons of substances to cope with those situations.

From Cosmic Hearse, SubArachnoid Space are the best and longest running instrumental cinematic post-rock/prog band you have never heard of.

Denmark designer Alidra Alic’s new collection of Alice-inspired jewellery.

Bridges on the Body – a corsetry blog. Jo is sewing her way through every corset in Norah Waugh’s book “Corsets and Crinolines”. She says “When I complete this challenge I hope to be able to say, ‘yeah I can sew’ and ‘yeah, I know a bit about corsets’.

Misguided – a UK fashion site which might be of interest. I am interested.

ProjectMetallica’s … And Justice for Jason project seeks to answer the eternal question plaguing metalheads worldwide – what if Metallica had never dropped the bass from … and justice for all? The answer is: quite awesome, actually. The remasters aren’t that great – the bass is purposely turned up too loud, but it does give you an idea of what’s actually going on in bass-guitar land. ProjectMetallica’s youtube channel features bass-restored versions of “blackened”, “one”, “eye of the beholder” and “… and justice for all”, and the rest are being added slowly.

31 Incredible Examples of Lego Architecture

Axe-murderer chic

Did you ever read those Fear Steet books by R. L. Stine when you were a teen? Well, I did, and so I have to laugh at this excellent Fear Street blog which reviews these old favorites and exposes them for the horrid, insipid and totally not-scary books they were. They’ve just reviewed R. L. Stine’s comical book How I Broke Up With Ernie.

That’s all for this week. If you have anything else to link to, post in the comments!

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff

Ich bin fünfundzwanzig Jahre alt!

birthday cupcakes!

I’m 25 years old today. It’s nice. I like it. I’m feeling it.

Some people loathe their birthday, and I’ve never understood that. But then, I was talking to Father Metal on the phone last night and he pointed out I’ve packed more into my quarter century than most people do in their entire lives”.

I think maybe this fear of birthdays stems from. A birthday is a time when you’re forced to step outside yourself and look objectively at your life. Looking back can be terrible, if we haven’t done what we wanted, or what we should have done, or we know we’re going nowhere. On the other hands, us perfectionists can feel like we’re letting ourselves down – “another year over and I still haven’t got that Pulitzer!”

Here are some ideas for celebrating your birthday the “metal” way, and not being sad you’re another year older!:

Find out who was born on your birthday, and theme a party or do something fun related to them. For example, Pierre Auguste Renoir was born on my birthday, so to celebrate, I might take a life-drawing class or sketch my husband nekkid while he’s not looking. Or I could celebrate with Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee from Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings) by having a hobbit picnic in the park. Or, as Anthony Burgess – author of A Clockwork Orange, also shares my birthday, I might don a strange costume and bowler hat and beat up parishioners …

Along the same vein find out what happened in history on your Geburtstag. I know now that on my birthday in 1751, the first ever performing monkey was exhibited in the US. (I should go to the zoo!) and in 1838 a London pedestrian walks 20 miles backward and forward in 8 hours (I don’t know why and I’m not doing it). My birthday in 1859 was the first use of the “insanity” plea to secure innocence, and in 1932 this was the day immigrant Adolf Hitler recieved his German citizenship.

Do something you’ve never done before. I know I say this a lot, but achieving something – no matter how ridiculous – outside your comfort zone really makes you feel alive. If you can’t think of anything, ask an adventurous friend.

See friends and family. Nothing makes a birthday more enjoyable than spending it with people who care about you.

Write a list of everything you’ve achieved in your lifetime, and a list of everything you still want to do. Then go and do one of those things.

Get some new birthday traditions – borrow from other cultures (see this wicked list of birthday traditions), or make up your own.

Throw the rulebook away: Dispense with the diet for a day, forget about “going for a run”, take the day off work, celebrate! Today I had pie and mocha tart for breakfast, and I’m going to have a huge chocolate sundae for lunch.

Buy yourself a small gift – a new CD, a corset, a mocha tart, just to say “yeah, I’m pretty cool. If I was friends with me, I’d totally buy me this”.

Make a metal mixtape of all your favorite songs from previous years (I’m sure you will remember them) and blast it all day. It’s the soundtrack for your life.

Any more ideas!

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff

Yet another interesting factoid I’ve discovered from the surveys submitted so far is that you’d like to see more music on the blog. I’ve been deliberately avoiding discussing music in-depth as I’ve been doing that on forums for years and find the whole “intelligent discussion” (read: petty argument over nothing) consists of writing imaginative insults for anyone who disagrees with you. Music discourse is so subjective, and so close to people’s hearts, I don’t want to touch it here, at least not yet.

But … I’ve had an idea. Do you remember the days before iPods. before CDs even, when you’d spend all Saturday standing by the radio, finger on the REC button, waiting for that song – the one you can’t get out of your head – to come on? Do you remember listening to those tapes of songs with the first seven seconds missing, and random DJ interjections during the bridge? The first “metal” record I ever had was a mixtape of Metallica songs I taped with religious fervour over the course of a month.

So in my new column, Metal Mixtape, I’m reintroducing the idea of mixtapes – random collections of songs that capture a mood, a feeling, an age. I’ll give you a list of 5-10 songs, complete with a youtube vid and a bit of DJ commentary from yours truly. These lists will be themed. While you’ll find mostly metal and metal-inspired songs, I’m going to include at least one non-metal song per tape, because I’ve also discovered a significant number of readers actually … gulp … don’t listen to metal.

I’ll add a little disclaimer for songs and videos with explicit content, too, so those of a weaker disposition. If you’re not of the metal persuasion, you’ll probably enjoy a lot of these tracks, but you might want to steer clear of anything labelled “death metal”, “black metal”, grindcore”, “extreme metal” or “brutal technical goregrind blackened deathcore with viking influences.”

I’ve had this sodden Subway to Sally song stuck in my head – mostly because it’s one of the few German songs my paltry language skills can translate. So this weeks theme is “Seven”.

Iron Maiden – Seventh Son of a Seventh Son

From their album of the same name, a classic from one of the all time metal greats. Everyone has their favorite Maiden album and song, and this is mine. I chose a live track because Maiden sound just as amazing live as they do on record. If you’ve never heard Iron Maiden before, listen!

Subway to Sally – Sieben

One of the best new bands we picked up in Germany, Subway to Sally sing “medieval rock”. I cannot get “Sieben” out of my head. WARNING: extremely catchy.

Symphony X – Seven

Arguably the best prog metal band alive today, Symthony X’s 2007 release, Paradise Lost (dealing with themes from Milton’s poem), featured some of their best work to date, including this gem. It’s track number 8 on the CD, and lasts for exactly 7 minutes. (for those of you unaware what prog metal is, think Pink Floyd, but extra amplified and with less drugs. Or more drugs. Or different drugs. Whatever.)

“Heigh Ho” sung by the Seven Dwarves

I couldn’t think of a “seven” themed non-metal song that wasn’t by Interpol. Bleargh. If anyone can suggest one, pop up in the comments!

Venom – Seven Gates of Hell

You gotta love Venom. These English lads were one of the first metal groups to embrace the whole “Satanic” ethos in their lyrics, stage names and album art. But their satanism was purely for giggles, although the irony was lost on many fans, who later became the forerunners of the Black Metal scene. Wikipedia says Venom have found “little commercial success or critical acclaim” and, well, you can understand why. But they’re good fun.

Therion – Seven Secrets of the Sphinx

This Swedish metal band has changed sounds several times over the years, putting out black, death and melo-death albums, before settling on their heavily classically influenced choir sound, of which this song is a shining example. Plus, this is live at Wacken 2001. \m/

Annihilator – Sixes and Sevens

From 1990’s Never, Nevermind, Canadian thrashers Annihilator give us another take on the number seven theme. This is dirty thrash metal at it’s best, and they get bonus points for always having wicked lyrics.

The Seven Gates – the Serpent’s While

A classic death sound from French group Seven Gates, now signed with Heavy Artillery records in the US. Most death metal sounds the same to me, and this is no different, but it’s “good” same.

Can anyone suggest any more good “Seven” songs? I deliberately left off Helloween’s “Keeper of the Seven Keys” because, honestly, I don’t like it. Also, there’s no video to the Lefay song “Seventh Seal” which is wicked and you should check it out.

Horns up! \m/ Let me know what you think of some of the changes I’ve made.
Steff