Dear Steff Metal,

So, I’m a fan of metal. Pretty obvious, really. However, my problem with any alternative subculture is that I’m trying too hard and being a poser. Yeah, sure, I could act as if I didn’t care what others thought, but that’s not true. It’s just that when people look at me, ‘metal’ is not one of the words that they think of immediately. But I don’t want to be dressed in typical metal fashion and then look like a poser. It’s like when some kid spikes his hair up in a Mohawk and wears a denim vest with pins and chains everywhere and patches sewn everywhere, and safety pins holding his jeans together…it makes me laugh. They just look like they’re putting on a costume.

I don’t want to be that person who gets laughed at because their attitude is all wrong. Metal comes with a stigma. I see a lot of metalheads where I live (Melbourne, Australia) and they all look so self-assured. I don’t have an actual question, but I hope you get what I’m trying to say. How can I wholeheartedly embrace metal culture in ways other than listening to it? A lot. Loudly. All the time. Without looking or feeling stupid and self-conscious. Something along those lines. What can I do?

***

Wow, this is an amazing question (or non-question). Thank you so much for writing. I’ve really had to put a lot of thought into this.

Me and Johnowar at Wacken church

Since this is a non-question, I’ve cheated and gone for a non-answer. What follows is more of a musing on metal culture, fashion and being a “poser”. I also written a second half for this post – Top Ten Ways of Being Metal without Being a Poser – but you’ll have to wait for next week to read that gem.

Every one of us has heard the call
Brothers of true metal proud and standing tall
We know the power within us has brought us to the hall
There’s magic in the metal, there’s magic in us all.

Now the world must listen to our decree
We don’t turn it down for anyone; we just do as we please
Go to make it louder, all men play on ten
If you’re not into metal, you are not my friend.

Heavy metal or no metal at all. Wimps and Posers, leave the hall!
Heavy metal or no metal at all. Wimps and Posers, I said,
LEAVE THE HALL.
Manowar – “Metal Warriors”

Ah, Posers. We love to hate ‘em. Metal has its share of these universally-detested “try-too-hard” fans. We don’t want them – Manowar speaks for us all when they command the Posers to “leave the hall”. No one wants them around because … well, because they make us all look silly.

When the media does a story on metalheads or some other alternative subculture, it’s intimately the posers who end up in front of the camera, caressing their seven-foot-high Mohawks and showing off their eleven Metallica tattoos and spouting some crap about the “metal brotherhood”. They look silly, and they make metal look silly by comparison.

But metal is silly. It’s wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring, and br00tal. But it’s also ridiculous – the stage shows, the shred solos, the costumes, the corpsepaint, the “hail Satan!”, the fans – it’s all larger than life. The overt nature of metal is what makes it so appealing – it’s unapologetic, unsympathetic, and utterly unscrupulous. It’s not music for casual listeners – you’re in metal heart and soul, or you’re not in at all.

That’s why metalheads feel extra threatened by the possibility of posers – no one wants the thing they love to become part of fast fashion, consumerist culture. Metal is what we embrace to escape fast fashion, consumerist culture.

Are Posers really Posers?

A poser means someone who wants to embrace all the trappings of “being metal” without actually being metal. A poser wants to wear the clothes, listen to the music, go to the shows, talk the talk, throw the goat, with even … liking metal. Horrifying!

I’m not sure real posers actually exist. If they do, I’ve never met one. I’ve met a lot of try-hards, though.

Sure there are people who throw the goat without being metal. There are people (Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, especially) who wear Iron Maiden shirts while being pop stars. But they’re not real posers. They just don’t know any better. They don’t know throwing the goat is our thing. They don’t know Iron Maiden is a beloved NWOBHM band – they just think the shirt looks cool (and it does).

No, to be a real poser, one has to exert effort. And why, I ask, would a person exert all the effort to buy a closet of metal shirts and bullet belts, learn the name and release date of every Black Sabbath album, buy tickets to shows and festivals, and adopt metal vocabulary like “tr00” and “grymm” if they didn’t love the music? Who would go to all that time and expense?

I read a lot of writing advice columns, and one caveat always stands out at me: “know the rules before you break them”. Before you experiment with odd grammar, non-linear sentence structure and creative spelling, you have to understand how and why these devices are employed successfully. You can’t understand how to use them if you don’t know how NOT to use them.

The same is true for becoming part of a subculture. You shouldn’t just jump into the metal community, spiked gauntlets flailing, and expect to earn instant respect and camaraderie. You have to play by the rules.

What we call posers are generally younger people – between 12 and 17, who are trying too hard because they’re discovered this music that has changed their life and they’re excited and eager to embrace it mind, body and soul, and their friends don’t understand, their parents don’t understand, but they know there’s this horde of likeminded metalheads out there. So they jump in without knowing the rules. And we laugh at them. Loudly, while pointing, and throwing beer cans.

They try to create in an afternoon what it has taken us (as seasoned metalheads) several years to attain. This is why posers (or try-hards) make us laugh: they’re baby metalheads who want to fly before they can walk. I can’t help by sympathise with them. Once, I was a try-hard, too.

When I finished high school and went to uni, I thought “finally, no uniform! I can dress however I want!” I wore some ridiculous clothes – a floor-length black velvet cape, head-to-toe camo gear, and spiked gauntlets all up my arms. I always looked awesome – if I were on stage or at a festival. In class, I just looked like a fucktard.

Also, spiked gauntlets are really impractical. You can’t rest your arm on the desk when you write and you’re forever jabbing yourself in the hips. Don’t wipe stray hairs from your eyes – you’ll put an eye out.

Over the years, as I went to more shows, met more metalheads and listened to more music, I toned down my clothes. I have two distinct looks – “sort of dark and odd” which is what I wear to work and when we go to visit the in-laws, and “metalhead” which is what I wear the rest of the time.

The Metal Stigma

Yes, metal does have a stigma. Deena Weinstein calls us “Proud Pariahs”. We are, and I love it.

I’ll tell you a secret – I’m not this crazy, gung-ho, “love your metal brothers” chick all the time. I’d say I am this maybe 70% of the time. The rest of the time I’m at work, or at a cousin’s wedding, or chasing ducks around the park.

I write a metal blog, which I update 4-5 times per week. I have a metalhead husband, we go to local and international shows on a regular basis. 80% of our friends are metalheads, and those that aren’t, think we’re pretty strange but love us anyway. So a large, significant chunk of my life consists of doing, thinking, listening and living metal. But not all of it.

It wasn’t always like this, either. I’ve been into metal for over ten years now, and six of those years I didn’t have a metal husband, nine of those years I didn’t have a metal blog, and five of those years I didn’t go to any metal shows or have any metal friends. It’s all grown up around me as I’ve moved and changed and learned.

If I don’t care about the stigma, or I’m in a place the stigma doesn’t apply, I wear what I want and act how I want. If I want to blend in, I blend it, and no one’s going to toss me from the hall for doing so.

Please don’t toss me from the hall.

Wacken 2009

What Makes a Person a Metalhead?

These items are in descending order. You can’t move on to the next one until you’ve mastered the last. Often, people who “try-too-hard” try and skip from step 1, straight to step 4. No, no no no no. No. You start at step 1, than step 2, step 3 and then, only then, does step 4 happen.

Step 1

First and foremost, a metalhead listens to metal. You’ve got that step down pat.

Step 2

Second, a metalhead embraces the ideals of the metalhead subculture. These ideals are:

Metal is the best and most perfect form of music known to man. Its okay to listen to other music, but nothing is ever as good as metal.
The love of metal supersedes differences of religion, race, sex, culture and social standing.
Metal is a brotherhood (and sisterhood) and we look after our own. If you’re in trouble, you can call on fellow metalheads and they will help you.
A Metalhead embraces his (or her) own strict set of morals and adheres to these morals upon pain of death.
A Metalhead is not ashamed to like metal.
A Metalhead considers the pursuit a metal an intellectual activity, and arms him or herself with as much information as possible.
A Metalhead supports the continuation of metal by making music, going to shows and festivals, buying CDs and merchandise, and otherwise spreading the word of metal.
A Metalhead is a warrior in a great metal army, who must be ready at any time to take up a sword to fight for metal.

Step 3

Thirdly, a metalhead seeks out the company of other metalheads.

Step 4

Fourthly, a metalhead allows metal to slowly pervade other areas of his / her life. Metal becomes a part of your fashion, your work, your hobbies, your friendships, your lovers, your vacations, your budgeting habits, your life.

The simple answer to your question is: don’t worry about how you look if you haven’t yet mastered “step 2” of becoming a metalhead. If you think you’ve mastered those steps, you should consider trying to seek out the company of other metalheads.

An easy way to do this is actually to wear metal t-shirts while out on your daily business – that’s actually how we continually meet . Anytime you see a metalhead wearing a shirt from a band you like, say hi, throw them the goat, whatever.

At shows, try to talk to people. It’s bloody hard sometimes because everyone’s got their group of friends. I normally chat with the people around me in the pit, if I’m standing up the front waiting for a show to start. Next weeks article has lots more ideas on how to meet metalheads and become more a part of the metal subculture.

Eventually, metal permeates your life entirely of its own accord. That’s how we’ve ended up with a house full of “metal” stuff, closets bursting with “metal” clothes, a busy schedule of “metal” concerts and festivals, a successful “metal” blog, an impressive “metal” CD collection, a “metal” wedding, and a future plan to move to Germany, land of “metal”.

I really hope this has created some ideas to think about. Like I said, this is less an answer to your question and more a musing on the nature of posers and stigma and metal itself. I apologise if it’s not very coherent. Stay tuned for next weeks exciting conclusion! (and don’t forget to reply in the comments or email me steff@steffmetal.com if you have any questions or comments)

Yours Metal-ly \m/
Steff