At York Minster

Before I begin, I have to confess my own religious feelings, so you understand my opinion on Christian Metal. As a child I attended a Catholic primary school, and, unlike most metalheads I know, I must admit I enjoyed attending church.

We went to an old-school Catholic church, with high gothic arches and stained-glass windows. I loved the chanting and ritual and breaking of the bread – it was all so esoteric and occult. I read a lot of books about magic and witches and spooky happenings, and the church seemed to epitomize all that freaky stuff I loved.

But, most importantly, we had the kindest, most gentle priest – Father Cook – who would read passages from the bible and encourage the congregation to discuss them, offer their own ideas and interpretations. He encouraged people not to just read the bible, but to engage with it as a historical and spiritual document. He was also one of those rare, truly good men. Whenever I hear people rubbish the Catholic church, I remember him and feel like I should defend it.

As a teen, I started to make friends with many Christians, and I even spent a short period of time trying to “be” one. They were one of the vew groups who sort of tolerated me hanging around. My first best friend and my first boyfriend hung with this group (although my boyfriend was not Christian, he was weird enough that, like me, they were one of the only groups who liked him).

I spent much time in high school trying to fit in to various groups, the Christians being one of the more accepting. But I’m not a Christian, any more than I was a punk or a goth or a wiccan. I have some deeply held beliefs about gods and the nature of the universe, but I don’t want to discuss them here. Suffice it to say that I realized by the time I was about seventeen that I didn’t really want to subscribe to any specific religious order.

I still have many Christian friends – although they’re outnumbered by metalheads now – but although we disagree on religion, we share many other things in common.

I first came across Christian Metal in high school, when I started hanging around Christians in a big way. I was also heavily into metal at this time, and after my sister downloaded Kazaa onto our family computer, I was deseperately downloading every metal song I could find.

One of the local churches attended by many of my friends used to run a youth group every Friday night, and I would go on occasion. Some of the boys spotted my Metallica shirt and launched into a discussion about music. They said they liked metal too and started naming all these bands I’d never heard of, and at that stage I knew quite a lot about metal. My relationship with Christian metal had begun.

I looked up all the bands I could remember when I got home, and found them all terrible – the same nu metal drivel they played on the radio, but with happy-go-lucky lyrics about being saved. This wasn’t real metal. I remained unimpressed.

My second boyfriend (during my first years at uni) was a Christian, and I spent some time in his church, although I stopped going quickly because I disliked the more modern, evangelistic style and some of it’s biblical interpretations. I was studying Ancient Greek at the time and would love to have had a discussion about some of the bible text, the way my old Catholic priest encouraged, but this didn’t seem to be the done thing. I also disliked the silly, deliberately “modern” alternative rock music and the 40 minute lectures.

My then-boyfriend and some of his friends listened to a few Christian metal bands, and Christian hard-rock bands. He introduced me to Mortification, who remain to this day my only known example of an actual decent Christian metal band. As I got more deeply involved in metal culture, I met more and more Christians anxious to “bring me back” with suggestions of Christian metal. And I’ll give any band a chance, but none of it has ever impressed me.

Christian metal is also talked about on metal forums, which I used to frequent. Opinion divides between two camps: Christians who are metalheads, or metalheads who identify as Christians, who like Christian metal, and metalheads who are strongly against any kind of Christian metal. Their reasons are threefold:

1. Metal is the music of rebellion. Metal music primarily comes from young, middle class white males in predominantly Christian cultures. Metal speaks for generations of kids who don’t want to blindly conform to “Christian” ideals forced upon them by parents and schools. Many of these metalheads have dealt with extreme cases of prejudice and abuse in the name of metal. The idea of Christianity – whom they consider their enemy – corrupting something they hold dear sickens them. They consider it usurpation of their culture for the purpose of brainwashing people. They call it cultural misappropriation, and I can’t say I blame them.

(I’m not saying Christian ideals are bad, just that people want to be able to make up their own minds about whether they’re right for them or not.)

2. Metal deals with two main subsets of lyrical themes: larger-than-life, epic, fantasy type-themes (like slaying dragons, “fighting” for metal and shagging your way across barbarian Europe), and intense human emotions (fear, anger, pain, regret, hatred, rage).

Christian metal rarely falls into the first subset, as these “epic” themes tend to come from metal’s love of heathen, “barbarian” history and mythology, which they’re routinely tried to eradicate from the course of history. So Christian metal usually attempts to fall into the second category, but falls short because, in acknowledging a higher power, a person tends to deny their own power to influence their own future. Metal needs power – the power to stand up for what you believe in, the power to turn it up to eleven. Songs about relinquishing power just don’t appeal.

3. The majority of Christian metal just plain isn’t any good. This prejudices metalheads against it, because if you say you like Christian metal they are going to assume you have terrible taste in music (and they’re probably right ☺).

Promoting a religion, at its core, includes the practice of discriminating against other religions. This is as true for songs promoting Satanism, bhuddism, deism, or Antidisestablishmentarianism. The very nature of embracing a religion involves the denial of the others. Now, I’m not saying this is a bad thing – it’s certainly a very unique thing. And it’s not unique to religion, either. Does not embracing the metalhead subculture involve the shunning of emo?

Stryper - you'll be learning about them tomorrow :)

I noticed when I used to attend youth group and the church with my old boyfriend, there was a real fad of using youth culture to “convert” youth. I didn’t want to go and tell people about the bible, because I had been given no opportunity to fully understand it myself. I hadn’t been given any opportunity to “study” it in any kind of depth. Sure, there was lots of role-playing and group work, but it approached the bible from a “we already know the answers” point of view. I remember attending a bible-study meeting one night and I sparked a huge debate because I had a differing opinion on the text than everyone else. My opinion was essentially invalidated because I hadn’t been studying the bible since I was seven, like the others. I never went back.

Some might argue that metal has its own culture of conversion. We have hundeds of songs praising the glory of metal and essentially arguing why metal is the best form of music. But these songs aren’t written to bring more people to metal – they’re written for the people already here, to celebrate this wonderful world we’ve created. They are the metalhead equivalent of “worship” songs. They’re for us, not for the potential acolytes. No one’s going to listen to “Kings of Metal” and suddenly say “that’s it! I am now a metalhead.”

Essentially, “White Metal” is a marketing ploy, designed to repackage Christianity with distortion depals and double bass and growly vocals to make it palatable for metalheads. But as a marketing tactic, it’s ill-conceived and poorly executed – metalheads are sticklers for authenticity – they want to feel insense human emotion, they want music to give them power, not take it away. Promoting Christianity in a metal song ultimately alienates the majority of people who might be potentially interested in the song. Metalheads are put off by the Christianity, Christians by the metal. “White Metal” targets the wrong audience.

If you stop to look, metal actually has a long history of utilizing Christian themes and myths. Listen to Black Sabbath’s “After Forever”? I’ve heard songs like that sung in church. Old Testament bible stories inspire hundreds of metal songs.

After all, a large part of traditional metal (and I include power metal here, too) is about larger-than-life, epic stories. Musicians draw on various mythologies, including those they learned about in their youth. Most of these songs approach these myths as just that, myths which create inspiration of epic soundscapes.

So is it only okey to sing about Christianity in metal if you DON’T believe it?

Much of metal – and I’m talking extreme metal here – is about raw emotions, the dangerous ones lurking beneath the surface. Christians feel pain and hatred and anger and fear too. I bet lots of our favorite metal songs are actually written by people who consider themselves Christians (but don’t wish this to be overt), as well as many other religions. Once you get past all the silliness, emotions are universal. Saying to someone “Don’t write metal songs because you’re a Christian, and you don’t belong” is about as un-metal as you can get. Anyone belongs in metal, that’s the point.

I do believe, and I say this whenever I review a band, that when one listens to music, you should take do what you can to discard it from its context, and simply attempt to enjoy and analyse it for what it is. I know this is a contentious point, as my love for Burzum (the music, not the man) has shown. Some would argue separating context and text are impossible, and they’re probably right, but I think you should try. Tomorrow, I’ll be attempting just this, but conducting a no-hold’s barred review of five Christian metal albums in my collection.

Modern Christian youth culture has its own share of cliques and subcultures. I wonder what it is like to be in an overt Christian metal band nowadays. I remember my ex-boyfriend telling me stories of Mortification back in the day, when fights would break out at their concerts between Christians and non-christians. I certainly don’t see that nowadays – metalheads tend to keep their negative opinions for online forums and Facebook flames, and the concert scene is better for it.

Or is white metal not actually for metalheads at all? I certainly don’t hear of white metal bands on metal radio, or discussed on metal blogs or forums (except derisively). Is it that White Metal actually caters for Christians who want more extreme music that fits into their worldview. Is it metal for people who want blastbeats without satan?

With the rise of local metal scence throughout the more, more diverse cultures and religions are redefining metal’s themes and finding new meaning in extreme music. I remember the musicians from the Indian band Kryptos, in Global metal, explaining how one of their band members was hindu, one Christian and one muslin, but this didn’t matter. “The music unites us.” I think that’s the wisest comment yet.

With authenticity, comes solidarity. I ultimately believe metal is a force for good in the world. Metal unites people and gives them a positive force in their lives, whatever their social, political, cultural or religious leanings. Any metal band, Christian or otherwise, who attempt to use metal to promote one viewpoint to the denial of all others, won’t find much favor here.

What say you, readers? How has your relationship with Christianity – or another religion, political or cultural group – impacted your opinion on “White Metal”? Who do you think is ACTUALLY the audience for white metal?

If anyone can recommend any GOOD Christian metal bands, please list them below (My metal mixtape is looking a little sparse). If not, tell me your favourite songs using Christian mythology or your favorite bands with Christian members.

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses

Metalheads deal with rejection, just like everybody else. People online diss the music you poured your soul into, some dick at a concert calls you a poser, or you don’t get accepted into that music school you’ve been counting on.

I'm all alone. There's no one to caaaareee for me!

1. Mourn

Look, you know the world hasn’t ended, life will go on and all that, but when you plan and hope and dream about something and it doesn’t happen. You’re pretty gutted. I don’t think you should hide that. Take a day or two to be sad, or angry. Cancel your social engagements if you don’t feel like going, stay and bed and eat cashew butter (mmmm) on toast and watch Dr. Phil and yell at the television. Cry. Punch things – things that aren’t people or owned by someone else.

You get a day or two to mope and mourn a lost opportunity, then you have to get over it. Yeah, now your life isn’t going to turn out like you planned, but it could be ever better.

2. When God / Odin / Lucifcr / Osiris / Allah / the universe closes a door, he / she / it opens a window.

Maybe it’s a grubby window in the corner that doesn’t get any sun and you think “I really would have liked to just take the door, thanks”, but whenever something doesn’t go your way, it’s usually because something even better is coming up. Mother Metal always said to me when I felt depressed or downhearted that I have to remember all the other times I was rejected … and then better stuff happened. And she’s right. Yeah, it hurts now – but I don’t have the gift of hindsight to see the bigger picture.

3. Find something to learn.

Having your novel’s rejected makes you a better writer … far more so than being a success right from the first word. Being dumped by a lover makes you a better lover, if you’re willing to embrace the experience and learn from your mistakes. Everything in life teaches you something you can use to make your life better, but you have to be willing to look for it.

5. Don’t Take it Personally

I struggle with this. I take everything way to personally. I feel like a failure, like nothing I do, ever, will ever be good enough. I feel like giving up on everything.

And then I get over it. No one died, I’m not sick. I have a wonderful job and a husband who loves me and a cat who’s standing on the keyboard. Life’s pretty good, really. I’m a fucking heavy metal fucking warrior. Then i feel better :)

6. Success is about bloody hard work

I’ve found the only thing I can control in life is how hard I work. I can’t control the world around me, or people’s opinions of me, or the opportunities that come my way. But I can work, and practice, and work some more. I can push myself to be better. That’s all I can control, so I have to embrace it.

Also, when you fall on your ass and you still have the strength to be a nice person, that says something about who you truly are. So make an extra effort to be nice to others and celebrate their success.

7. Cheer Yourself Up

Read my list of 101 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up. If you’re not cheered up after doing everything on that list, I can’t help you :)

8. Metal cures all ills.

Thanks Corrine for this suggestion!

Nothing cures your ills like Slayer.

Do you have any tips for dealing with rejection? What’s the worst rejection you ever dealt with and how did you come to peace with it? What other angry / badass metal songs do you listen to when you feel rejected?

Your Plunder for Metal Chicks post this weekend got me thinking about my money problems. I want to have adventures and travel, and save for big things like a house or a car. But I can’t. I don’t have any debt or anything, but I work at a fast-food place, so I don’t make much, and what I do make gets spent on food and booze and concert tickets and clothes, and then there’s nothing left.

How do you and your husband save money for such big trips and moving overseas?

***

First of all, not having any debt is a great, great thing. I brought my first ever item on interest-free HP this year, and I hate it. I hate owing someone else money. I’ve used a credit card before too, and although I paid it off before the interest rolled over, I hate it. HATE.

standing in the ampitheatre at Ephesus, Turkey

I am not the best person to give financial advice, because I am a money NAZI. I won’t buy ANYTHING unless I’m absolutly IN LOVE with it (not mildly like, not really like, but it haunts my dreams kind of love).

I look at money as a finite resource – I only have so much of it, so if I want something, I can’t have something else. If I want a new top now, that’s one less Wacken shirt I can buy later. I’m really good at holding onto thoughts of the future like that.

The way I see it, you have one of two options: Make More Money or Spend Less Money. As well as experimenting with both of those options, you should also consider Saving Your Money and Making Financial Goals.

Make more money

If you’re not making enough money at your current job, and you really, really want to have adventures and do wonderful things that require money, the simple fact of that matter is you probably need either a promotion, a new job or a second job. CDH and I both earn below the average wage in NZ. A large percentage of our European trip and our future move to Germany are funded by my writing and CDH’s two second jobs: doing casual work as the “drum guy” at the local music shop, and helping his dad clean a chicken factory (yeah, it’s about as fun as it sounds). We work these second jobs because we love them (well, the writing and the drum shop) and we can use the extra money to boost our savings.

Do you enjoy your job? Why not look for a new one? Don’t quit unless you find one but start looking around for something else. Yes, I know there’s a recession, but the world hasn’t stopped. People are still moving, still imigrating and emigrating, still having babies and taking time off, still getting sick and retiring, and there are still jobs to be filled. You have just as much chance as anyone else – which is none, if you don’t apply. Remember, the worst that can happen is the company decides you’re not right for them. That’s not so bad at all, really.

In my first year into the job market, I applied for many many jobs, some of them well above my skill level. I only apply for jobs that make me feel excited, like I’d be proud to say “I’m a … whatever”. I got many interviews – and in many instances they chose someone with more experience than me, but eventually, someone said, “Yeah, we like her” and I got my current job, which I LOVE. I got the job over someone with more experience (as in, I had NO experience). I am the youngest in my office by oh, 20 years. I am very blessed. So apply, even for jobs you don’t think you could possibly get. You just never know.

If you really enjoy your job and don’t want to quit, but you’d still like more money, you need to think about making your own money or taking on a second job. Perhaps a family member or friend needs some help at their work – this is how CDH got both his second jobs. Or perhaps you could brainstorm a list of other ways you could make money. Make use of your talents. Can you:

• Perform standup comedy
• Busk on the street
• Audition for a covers band
• Give music lessons
• Tutor high-school kids in a subject
• Write articles for magazines
• Offer yourself for clinical trials (just check the associated health risks first)
• Sell artwork at craft shows.

You can probably come up with lots of ideas. Use your imagination – yeah, it’s not exactly easy to make money as a stand-up comedian, but you never know – you might be a natural. You never know till you try, right?

Don’t choose any kind of job requiring huge amounts of start-up capital, unless your dream is to run your own business. Don’t decide you’re going to invest in the stock market unless you know exactly what you’re doing. In short, don’t be a fucktard, as CDH would say.

Create Less Expenses

The second way to create wealth for yourself is to make better use of the money you already have. Almost everybody can find areas of their life they could cut back, spend a little less and live a little better.

We – as a human race – buy a lot of crap. Crap food, crap toys, crap appliances – stuff we use once and throw away. Stuff we sit on a shelf in our house and hardly look at. How many times have you brought a DVD and only watched it once? How many books are sitting on your shelf unread? How much money have you spent on takeout this week? None of that stuff gets you any closer to your goals.

I say this, and I LOVE books, and watching movies, and eating junk food. But I realize these things are about the experience, not the owning of the thing, so we rent movies instead of buying them, borrow books from the library, and I make most of our junk food at home, because it’s cheaper, tastes better, and you get to lick the bowl.

We eat at home so that when we travel, we can enjoy eating out, like these awesome reindeer steaks in Flam, Norway.

I have our household budget sharpened to a razor-edge. It leaves a large portion of our income – nearly 40% – for savings.

• We shopped around for power companies and found this place called Powershop – our monthly power bill has gone down $20-40, even over winter.
• We decided not to have a landline. Instead, we use our cellphones and Skype to contact people. We haven’t missed the landline and this saves us $40 a month.
• We try very very very hard (though we don’t always succeed) not to eat out. We allow ourselves ONE meal out per week, which we save for going out with friends in the weekend. Sometimes that is a nice meal, sometimes it is takeaways.
• We make our lunches at home.
• I shop online and have the shopping delivered to our home every fortnight, and once a week I go to the farmers market and pick up fresh veges. This saves us money beause it uts down on impulse buying at the supermarket and buying groceries we don’t need.

Here are some more ideas for cutting expenses:

• Downsize. Sell unwanted furniture. I took all our clothes into a designer second-hand shop and got a tidy profit just from a bag of old stuff. Do the same with unwanted CDs, DVDs and other stuff. If you have less stuff, you don’t need as much living space.
• Rent a smaller, cheaper place if you can. Or get in a flatmate.
• Cycle or walk to work, even if it’s only during the summer. Both are free methods of transportation, and help keep you fit.
• Join the library. Borrow books for free. You can even rent CDs and DVDs for cheap as chips.

Save the money you make

If you haven’t already, open a savings account.

Sometimes it can be really useful if you can label your account with a goal – we have a savings account called “Germany”.

Here I am, playing the "East Berlin, West Berlin" game.

From the budget you worked out before, set up an automatic payment to go from your cheque into your savings account each pay, before you even have time to notice the change.

The day before you get paid again, transfer any unused money into your savings as well.

Get Excited about Your Goal

So you want to travel? Where do you want to travel? How long? What do you want to see?

Half the reason people fail to save towards a long-term goal is the goal seems so far away and out of reach they just find other uses for the money. I spend a lot of time daydreaming and planning and reading books and mapping sites of interest and writing budgets. When my mind has plenty to be excited about, I have no problem saying “no, we’ll save this money for Germany”.

Read books about the place you want to travel, and start planning your itinerary. Yes, you can start doing this even if your trip is a couple of years away.

Contact people (like other metalheads) in the cities you want to visit, and see if you can make a friend before you go.

Talk to friends and family members who been traveling. Look at the way their faces light up when they talk about their adventures. Does your face light up when you talk about all the beer you drank last weekend? If so, cool, if not, maybe it’s time you thought about your priorities.

Start learning another language.

I won’t lie, saving money for long-term goals can be bloody hard work, and requires a ton of discipline and a heaped dash of “do I want this now or that later?” But we did it, and we are far from millionaires, so I bet you can too.

Readers, I bet you have some more great advice for our virginal-traveller? Dispense!

Yours, wherever I may Roam

On the Fence - my corpsepaint kitties up to mischief

I am a rather over-zealous creative. as you might be aware :). Between the blog and writing and painting, my mind’s at work constantly thinking through new and random ideas. I only begin a fraction of the projects I imagine, and of those, I try to finish most of them, but I don’t always succeed.

People ask me how I find the time to create. But it’s easy, as long as you make it a priority. When I was 16 I timed how many hours a week I spent watching TV. That was an eye-opener. I cut way back on my TV time and focused that energy into writing. It’s a habit that’s stayed with me ever since.

CDH is a rather creative mind too, as evidenced by our dining room table, which is currently covered in a work-in-progress plaster model of a train layout.

I don’t need to feel motivated to create anymore. I’ve made a habit of sitting down at my computer or with my art supplies even when I don’t feel like it, and within a few minutes of beginning, the calm and euphoria settle on me, and I’m in my happy place. When you look for the first time at a creative project you’ve completed, you know how worthwhile dropping all that TV, or internet, or sex (OK, maybe not sex) was.

But, it can be a real challenge to create this habit. So, here are a few ideas to help motivate and inspire creativity.

1. Hang out with Someone overzealously creative

Maybe YOU don’t know what to do with this bubbling creative energy, but someone who’s used to turning their energy into completled projects sure does. Ask them what they’re working on recently, and as they launch into an enthusiastic monologue (with hand gestures and all!) about their latest painting concept, you’ll start to feel their enthusiam pulling you.

Ask them for their tips on your project – maybe they have a few ideas to get your momentum going again.

2. Practise Free-forming

Place in front of you: a blank sheet of paper, a pen or pencil, and a timer. Give yourself five minutes to fill the sheet of paper, with anything! Doodles, writing, smusic notes, caricatures of your friends, random, unassociated thoughts, strange patterns of scribbles. You might stumble upon something golden.

3. Drag out an uncompleted project.

Every person with even mild creative temperement has a closet full of unfinished projects. Choose one, drag it out, and finish it. Once you’ve experienced that first feeling of satisfaction, you’ll want it again and again.

4. Take a class

Community Courses abound with creative classes for a fraction of the cost of art school, taught by enthusiastic, professional artists. Most classes run in the evenings so you don’t even take time off work. CDH and I take a different class every semester – at the moment, we’re learning German, but I’ve also done Photoshop, acting and Massage, and next semester I’m doing cooking and preserves. Brush up your skills in intermediate painting or try something completely different like origami or dollshouse miniatures.

5. Enter an art competition

There’s nothing like an entry date and the possibility of a prize to spur you into action. In my youth in a small town I used to enter the local art competition every year. I never won anything, but I sold a painting once – the best thrill of my life. It’s incredible walking into a gallery and seeing your work on the walls. I’m painting like mad to enter a piece into an Arts Festival Competition in July – I am REALLY enjoying working on the piece, and sometimes you just never know what can come of these opportunities.

To find art competitions in your area, subscribe to a local art magazine, art forum, or gallery mailing list. I found out about this competition through a friend of my husband, who happens to work at the gallery. Good luck to you!

6. One of these things is not like the other

Choose two random things (preferebly two things you know a lot about) – Plato and Push-up bras, or Buddhism and Bathroom Tiles. Now, in your best academic tone, comprise a mini essay comparing the two things. Creative academia thrives on finding meaning where there was no meaning at all, and this exercise (which I made up, by the way, because most of my university essays read like this: “Socrates and Monty Python”, “Mesopotanian Funerary Customs and Zombies”, etc. (got an A on the Monty Python one, A+ on the Zombies one).

7. Join an Online Forum

Nothing like collective creativity to get you motivated. I’ve recently joined a steampunk forum, and seeing them post their amazing mods and paintings and digital art has directly inspired my latest forays into steampunky illustration.

For handmade crafters, I like craftster, or even the Etsy forums. For writers, I really enjoy the community at Forward Motion for Writers.

8. Give yourself a challenge

I work at my best when I’m racing to meet goals – whether they’re deadlines imposed by others, or arbitrary goals imposed upon myself. I give myself a deadline to complete a specific challenge – a challenging goal without being ridiculously beyond me. For example, I don’t have the time to dedicate to creating a new piece of art every day, but I set myself a May goal to create one new original artwork every week, and I did it. I’ve made the same goal for June, as I have a craft show at the beginning of June and I need new pieces to sell.

9. Create fan art (and send it to your admired)

Most musicians, actors, writers and artists love receiving fan art of themselves and their characters. Because of copyright purposes, sometimes people can’t look at fan art – their website should tell you whether they will be able to look at your work or not. Lots of celebrities share fan art on their websites – you might get a mention.

Also, even just sending a piece of artwork to a celebrity can result in amazing things. I’m sending a set of postcards to Annete Ozlen of Nightwish – I am hoping she’ll blog about them and maybe a few other people might like my art, too.

10. Draw / Write / Sing your fantasy life

Sometimes, if you want your life to be more creative, you have to live as though it already is. What would you do if you were a full-time artist? What would you di if you had a highly successful blog? Do that anyway.

11. Invite Fellow Creatives to an Working Party

Among my group of friends we have several writers, a couple of painters, and some stunning musicians. I’ve been to two working parties in the last year and they really get the creativity flying. Ask everyone to bring a plate of food to share, a CD of their favorite music and a project they’re working on. Make sure you choose a room with enough space and can find enough powerpoints for the writers and their laptops. pop some music on and work away like busy bees, occassionally stopping to read out a paragraph or ask an opinion on a color.

We also break up the day with fun, five minute creative challenges – write a poem using a specific formula in 5 minutes, write something using three random words in five minutes … you get the idea.

12. Wear clothes that inspire you.

Whoever said “clothes maketh the man” knew more than he let on. I am a huge believer in letting what you show on the outside reflect who you want to be on the inside. So get creative – you don’t have to buy new threads, but reinvent your favorite old jeans, dresses and skirts into unusual looks – layer with clashing colours, wrap scarves through your belt loops, add your favorite jewelry. Getting creative with your outfit first thing in the morning sets you up to be creative all day long.

13. Dedicate one wall in your house to items that inspire you.

I decorate the walls of my studio with artwork, photographs from some of the happiest moments in my life, poems and words that fill me with joy and hope an longing. Everytime I’m in need of a little inspiration, I just need to look around me.

14. Send a handmade valentine

You don’t have to find a secret admirer – even a friend or relative will appreciate a heartfelt, handcrafted valentine extolling their virtues. Use whatever mediumm you like – write them a poem, compose a song, draw them a cartoon, make a card …

15. Write a tutorial and sent it to a magazine

Magazines like Painting and Stampington love receiving tutorials for simple and unique crafts – and yes, they’ll pay you for them. You might find the process of submitting and publishing craft articles so addictive you just can’t stop. This is something I’m hoping to work on more this year, when I’m not so bogged down with copywriting work.

16. Join a Collective / Creative Group.

Local community art collectives can provide you with some great inspiration and opportunities. Active collectives meet regularly, and plot and plan how to take over the world togehter. Collectives also produce group exhibitions, edit anthologies or record jam sessions.

17. Create Guerrilla Art

Hang your artwork where people will see it – on lamp posts, at the bus station, on the sides of buildings. Draw pictures on the sidewalk, make sculptures at the park – just make it surrepticious and don’t get caught!

18. Embrace a Different Religion (even if only for a little while!)

And I mean really embrace it. Try to become a person who could believe in whatever. Read the teachings, find the inner truth inside all the dogma – there’s always a great lesson to learn.

19. Write a To-do list

Make it super-creative, and have fun. Now get to and start doing it! Use my Guide for Writing To-Do lists to help you get started.

20. Go for a Walk

Leave your house, turn right, and keep walking until you no longer know where you are. I love walking around the neighbourhoods, because I find these odd little spaces I never would otherwise know – a tiny cemetery, a creaking, abandoned park, a garden in the middle of a roundabout.

21. Apply for a Job you’re not qualified for

Either a job completly unsuited to your skill base of a job you’d adore but seems WAY out of your league. Write the most outrageously creative resume and application imaginable. Hell, if nothing else, you’ll make the recruiter’s day. And sometimes, you just never know where a little creativity can get you.

22. Try Stand-Up comedy

Everyone has a little funny in them. If you’re one of those people who is always being told how funny you are, why not give stand-up a go? It’s a concept completly outside most peoples’ confort zone, which is what makes it so awesome. I speak from experience here, as I’ve performed stand-up routines both in a comedy club and in a theatre to about 500 people. And yes, they all laughed, and it was the most fantastic feeling in the world.

Whether you succeed, or you’re just a big flop, getting up on stage to do stand-up is one of the bravest thigns you can ever do.

23. “Art” busk

Paint portraits for $1. Write limericks for 50c. Sing a song for a smile. Create impromptu art for people on the street. (Just check the area you plan on busking in, as some streets require a license).

24. Dance

Put some music on and just let your body do what it wants to. Shut the door so your flatmates can’t laugh. A great way to loosen up before beginning a creative activity.

25. Write an article for a blog

There are so many blogs online nowadays you’re bound to find one that speaks to your fellow creatives. Write an article for them, on a subject they are interested in, ask a question, include a video and lots of picture …

Why write an article for a blog? You get instant recognition and communication about your subject. Enjoy the kind of heated discussion blog comments usually involve. (I’m always keen to showcase guest writers if you’ve ever wanted to write for Steff Metal – hint, hint :))

What other ways can you think of to spark and inspire creativity?

Yours with plaster glue on my fingers

I have moved to a new city to study, and left my friends behind. I love the university and all my classes and lecturers, but I feel very lonely and isolated here – it seems as if everyone in my hostel is already friends, and I don’t know anyone. I would love to make some new friends – especially with metalheads – but I’m shy, and I don’t really know how to do this. Help!

***

You have no idea how uncannily similar your situation is to my first year experience of university. I had spent so much time being excited about leaving my small town for the big smoke, that I hadn’t prepared myself for the grueling task that is attempting to make friends. When you’re shy, (and when you have a visible eye problem) attempting to turn strangers into mates can seem like some kind of arcane and un-natural torture. It’s even more difficult when you’re trying to insert yourself into an established “scene” where everyone already has friends and seem wary of “try-hard” newcomers.

Making friends ain’t easy. Making friends with metalheads can be an even bigger challenge. You set yourself up for all kinds of new and unknown humiliations, awkward silences and psychotic stalkers. But, when you finally make that personal connection with someone, you realize it’s all been worth it.

With millions of metalheads all over the world, you're bound to find SOMEONE to be your friend.

Put Yourself in Likely Places to Meet Interesting People

University is an absolutely hive of interesting people. This is because – in New Zealand anyway – when high school fnishes, a lot of kids stay on the farm wrking for their parents, or go to the local meatworks, or work at Caltex to fund their OE. The kids who go to uni from the small towns tend to be there for similiar reasons to you.

How do you find them? In my first year, I joined and subsequently dropped a lot of different clubs – this is cool – it’s totally OK. You don’t have to stick with a club – most of the new recruits drop out once their first essay deadline rolls around. But if you’ve ever wanted to try rock climbing or you think the role playing society looks like a hoot, find their booth and sign up, and then go to their first meeting and talk to some of the regulars. You’ll quickly suss out if they’re you kind of folks.

Choose subjects that genuinely interest you, show up to all the classes and tutorials, and strike up discussions with other students. Chances are, if you’re taking “Ancient Sumarian Texts 101″. they probably have at least a passing interest in Ancient Sumarian texts – hey look, you’ve already got something in common!

Go to gigs and clubs and shows and movies, even if you have to go by yourself. I ALWAYS strike up conversations with people next to me in the mosh pit. Sometimes you have an hour to wait between bands, so you might as well spend it talking to someone. I met my last boyfriend in a mosh pit (I’m not telling you which band, because it’s rather embarrassing and not very metal).

Also, find the local metal forums and keep up-to-date with the local “scene”. You don’t have to participate (some of the online forums can be quite intimidating), but – if nothing else – you’ll learn a few of the main players and which bands everyone thinks are worth supporting.

Some of my amazing friends at my 25th steampunk birthday. I love you guys!

Be Interesting

This First and Second points tend to flow from each other. Basically, if you met some totally bodacious metal chick at your hostel, and she seemed interested in talking to you, and you said “Oh, well, you know, I’m not really into muh. Just metal and beer, really.” That’s not very interesting. I don’t know if I’d hang out with you if I thought you didn’t have a thought in your head apart from “how many JD’s can I skull tonight?”

You’re at university! In a giant, bustling city full of interesting things! You have no job, no responsibilty! You are free! Don’t waste all your time holed up in your room. Take the train to a random place and go exploring. Join clubs, see shows, explore! Come back with a story to tell.

Write yourself a list of 100 personal challenges for the year, everything from “Get an A on a paper” to “Save $1000 for OE” to “See an erotic french film” to “learn archery.” Try to accomplish one per day.

The gym at my uni ran a series of inexpensive ($40 a term) beginners classes in various subjects. I took acting, massage, brazilian jiujitzu, salsa, yoga, and Goju Rhu karate – then I studied karate for another three years. The bookshop on Queen Street ran regular writers meetings and I used to go down and read work and talk to other creative people. I helped a friend found the JRR Tolkien Society, and I met an incredible group of amazing literary friends. I joined the archaeological soceity, and got the first glimpse of my future husband (the then Iron-Maiden shirt and hot English Accent President of said society.)

Be Prepared to Shoot and Fail

You will walk up to people and introduce yourself and they will shrug and walk away. You will embarrass yourself utterly on the first day. You will run out of things to say and nervously stare at your feet. You are not alone.

It’s hard not to beat yourself up about these failures. Go home, shut yourself in your room, listen to “Courage” by Manowar and remember that you’re awesome and it’s only a matter of time till you find someone who thinks so, too. And write me a letter – I can totally empathize.

Don’t Assume Just Coz Everyone is a Drunken Idiot, that They are, In Fact, a Drunken Idiot

I am so guilty of this. I lived in a hostel my first year at uni and I hardly socialised with anyone at all. I would arrive home from uni and find half my floor drunk in the common room and I just thought it was dumb, so I didn’t bother.

At the end of the year, I read through the yearbook, and realized “hey, some of these people seem really cool. I wish I’d tried a little harder to get to know them.” I hate having regrets, even small regrets like that. Don’t waste opportunities. Go to the hostel events – you can always make an excuse and leave if you’re uncomfortable, but go. Remember, they’re probably judging your Cynic t-shirt just as much as you’re judging their Abercrombie and Fitch jeans and stupid pink “alcopop” drink.

If you see an Interesting-Looking Person, Say Something to Them

Yesterday, a girl sat down next to me on the bus, and she was carrying a HUGE bunch of white calla lillies. My sister had Calla lillies in her wedding bouquet. I asked her about them and we had a really interesting conversation about lillies and Victorian mourning practises (the flowers were a birthday present from her boy). Now, we didn’t exchange numbers, but we could have. You just never know.

I make a habit of throwing the goat to anyone I see wearing the shirt of a band I like. I tell people I like their shoes, or if someone’s standing in line at my café not sure what to order, I give them a recommendation. 99% of these little interactions result in absolutly nothing except helping someone our or making their day a little brighter, but sometimes, they turn into real, genuine connections.

I met one of my closest male friends because he came up to me before an archaeological dig and boldly introduced himself, mentioned he’d seen me in class and understood I was a metalhead. I was so struck by his openly forward but friendly nature we hung out pretty much non-stop for a week. He’s awesome and still a close friend (Hi Ryan!)

Talk the Talk

So, you’ve followed all the advice above and you’re actually talking to a real, live metalhead! Now what do you do?

Make eye-contact. I struggle with this, because of the wobbly eye, and also because most metal boys are hot and if I think someone is hot I get embarrassed and my ears go red :) But eye contact + smiles = body language for “I think you’re cool. Let’s be friends.”

Ask questions. Ask them what they think of the band, how often they come to this club, what they do when they’re not at the club / in the juice bar / making sandwiches at Subway.

Remember, us subcultural types have very set and specific opinions about music, art, movies, fashion and culture. It’s hard, but try not to alienate people by telling them their favorite band is crap. Instead, engage them in a discussion – say “I’ve never been a fan of HIM, because I think all the songs sound the same. But Vile Valo sure can sing. I also find it weird that they’re classed as metal. Do you consider them metal?” Now you can have a discussion instead of offending the cute girl with the heartogram tattoo. (I tend to stare well clear of heartogram tattoos myself, just a friendly warning.)

Be Genuine

I probably don’t need to say this, but don’t make shit up to sound cool, because it always bites you in the ass. Instead of trying to be cool, just go and be cool. Go and do all the stuff you wish you’d done. Cultivate a lasting friendship with yourself, because you have to spend a lot of time hanging out with your own mind, so make it fun.

There’s no point pretenting to be someone else, because any friends you make will be attracted to THAT person, not you. Find people who like you for who you are. By all means, use people you admire as inspiration – I would sometimes “pretend” to myself I was confident when I talked to people. I had a very confident friend and I would say to myself “I am her right now”, and that can help, but don’t try and BE someone else. I’ve been on the receiving end of that and I tell you – not fun.

Your Momma was right – be yourself. That’s all you can do. All the rest will come with time and practice.

If all else fails, write to me. I can always do with new friends. If you read this blog, I already know I like you :)

Basically, making friends with metalheads is exactly the same as making friends with anyone else – you put yourself in a place where metalheads are likely to hang out, you try to look approachable and happy. You smile and make eye contact and ask questions and get people talking, and you watch and listen and feel for that “click” of a connection that makes you think “Yeah, this person has SO got to be in my life.” And tell them that – maybe they’ll be flattered.

Any other advice from readers on making friends with metalheads or other alternative types?

Elena Bathory

First, for a bit of background, can you tell us about how you got started as a model?

I have always wanted to be a model since I was a kid. As I got older I relaized I wasn’t a candidate for the typical model. I started getting into the alternative scene and came across some modeling pages on myspace for alternative models. I got so excited and started planning out a shoot right away.

You’ve worked with some pretty big bands – Dark Funeral, Skeletonwitch, Verkrag – can you tell us how you managed to hook that up? What’s it like working with bands?

Well, with Dark Funeral I was one of two winners of a merchandise modeling contest for the band. I also won the Devian metal model contest. With Verkrag, Anton, the man behind Verkrag, contacted me on myspace to be a part of his “13 victims” project. I started with Skeletonwitch just by asking them if they would like me to model their merch. I actually was supposed to work with them last year when they shot a music video at this metal bar here in Brooklyn. They had wanted a girl to dance on the bar during their performance and someone contacted me from the bar to do it but I had to work that day. So, I was glad I was eventually able to work with them after missing that opportunity.
It’s great working with bands! I love supporting the metal scene and the bands.

What have been some of your favorite modeling jobs / shoots?

Some of my fave modeling shoots are horror shoots. I love getting all bloody and posing with sharp objects lol. When I shoot horror I can become a completely different person. I can be a psycho killer or a helpless victim. It’s really fun! My fave modeling job of recently has been a beach shoot for an alternative clothing designer, Isabelle Batz, new swimsuit line. It was a chilly day but I had fun and it was exciting.

Do you have any modeling horror-stories?

Hmmm well once I did a rooftop shoot with this photographer who kept talking about how much of a sex addict he was and just talking about things that were inapropriate. As if that would impress me or something lol.

Elena Bathory

How do you think TV shows like America’s Next Top Model have helped, or hindered the modeling industry, in particular the alternative modeling industry?

I think it has helped the modeling industry in a way. That show gave ordinary girls a chance to become actual models, which I think is cool. I just think they should have a similar show for alternative models. They probably will when I’m too old and wrinkly to participate lol.

You shoot nude shots for conceptual art. Can you tell us how you got into that? How do potential clients react to you nude shots? What, in your opinion, separates artwork featuring nude women from pornography?

I got into it very early in my modeling career. My work was seen by a fetish art photographer who wanted to include me in his upcoming book. At that shoot I also shot with another photographer who included me in his book as well. They are called “upskirts, and panties, and girls, oh my” by LC Misfit studios and “Rebound” by David Lawrence, in case anyone wants to check that out;)

Potential clients react well to my nude shots. They see that I am open minded and comfortable with my body and photographers enjoy working with models who are confident about themselves.

What seperates artwork featuring nude women from pornography is, artwork explores the beauty of the naked body and pornography focuses on the act of sex.

You now model full-time. That’s a dream-come-true for many models. Can you tell us how you’ve managed to get to this point?

I don’t really model full time. It’s not like I’m travelling the world and shooting everyday. I would love to travel to places like the UK and do runway shows and stuff. That’s when you know you’re a hugely successful alternative model, when you’ve got jobs on the other side of the world and appearing on the cover of alternative magazines. Hopefully I am on my way there! I have good months and bad months with work. I am working on my own website so hopefully once that’s up I will be noticed more and offered more jobs.

You’ve also recently launched your own clothing line “Metal Vixen Threads”. Tell us a little about how “Metal Vixen Threads” started and what you’ll be doing with the line in future?

I started MVT of October of last year. I just wanted to create a casual line especially made for metal girls that they can wear at concerts or wherever else they want to show off with pride that they are a metal chick. I just added some mens t-shirts too.

Elena

I love your clothing line because I don’t think there’s enough casual fashion out there specifically for metal chicks. Goth chicks yes. Punk chicks, yes. But not metal chicks. Any thoughts on why this is?

They are out there, my line is more casual and laid back than those out there.

As an “alternative” model, you probably deal with some negative reactions when you tell people what you do. How do you cope with doing something for a career many people consider “vulgar” or “satanic” or “weird”?

I really don’t care if others see what I do in that way. If they find it weird or whatever then that just shows me that they are not open minded and can’t appreciate art in all forms.

What advice would you give to anyone else wanting to become a metal model?

Get yourself noticed by bands. Work with as many bands as you can to get noticed.

What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you because of modelling?

The best thing that’s ever happened is making new friends with cool people who support me and my work. I wouldn’t be where I am now without the people I have met along the way.

What is the next step for Elena Bathory?

The next step is my membership website;p There you will be able to see exclusive photos and sets not seen anywhere else plus videos of photo shoots and more. There, fans can also purchase posters and other Elena Bathory merchandise. I will also be working with more metal bands and appearing on a few album covers. I will also be appearing in an upcoming issue of Bizarre magazine as an ultra vixen and some of my photos will be featured in Girls and corpses magazine next month.

What was the first album you ever brought? Your first metal album?

Slayer’s Hell Awaits!

Can you name your top five metal albums?

Hard to narrow it to just five. Hell awaits, Black album, The somberlain, Chaos A.D., Iowa

What bands and albums have you heard recently that have stood out to you?

One band that I can really say have greatly caught my interest is Skeletonwitch. Their new album Breathing the fire is awesome! I have done merch work for them and will be doing more soon:)Another band that I have done merch work for that the music has stood out to me is Wrath Passion. A great Norwegian black metal band. The new Deftones album is good too.

What was your best ever live music experience?

Iron Maiden a few years ago at Madison square garden. I was really far from the stage but it was still awesome!

Who or what inspires you?

Metal inspires me a lot as well as horror movies. As for a person, I really like the alternative model Masumi Max. My fans also inspire me. They make me want to be the best I can so I can give them the best.

Thank you Elena for stopping by to answer some questions. It’s always great seeing metal chicks rocking their own thing. You can find out more about Elena Bathory by becoming her fan on facebook, checking out Elena’s model mayhem page, her Elena Bathory Myspace page, or keeping an eye on her up-and-coming website:

Peace, Love, and Fucking Metal

CDH and I, are not most NZers, so we went to a toy fair.

It was actually a rather impressive toy / model fair – an events centre filled with triumphs of engineering like this:

WW II Dioramas

And this:

Amazing bonsai from the Auckland Chinese Bonsai Society

And this:

Mechano dragon. And it totally moved!

As well as some awesome personalities, like this man.

A delightful mechano modeller

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a good photo of the amazing dollhouses. But one women had made a Halloween dollhouse with a skeleton and spider sharing a bath. Another had created a steampunk clockmaker’s workshop, not altogether dissimiliar to my “Clockmaker’s Wife” painting. CDH’s favorite was a dollhouse bakery, complete with cabinets of exquisitely sculpted donuts and mince pies.

After the fair we went to visit a train-friend of CDH’s, who told us he’d be running “mini-trains” on his property over the weekend. We weren’t sure what to expect, but it sure wasn’t this!

Mini steam trains!

Old train geeks helping each other out

These remarkable engines are scratch-built by their owners, and take some 1200 hours to complete. James’ train-friend had been working on one for 13 years, and reckoned it would take him another 13 to finish. Some we distal engines, powered by little two-stroke motors. But the stars were the steam engines: miniature replicas of their full-scale buddies, and able to pull three carriages of people around the garden trail.

around the corner ...

... wave to the people

At $2 a ride, I couldn’t just watch. So on we hopped, around the garden, waving at all the passing trains!

Little train!

We had to duck to fit through the tunnel.

Tunnel!

This clever fellow scratch-built this working tracktion engine, which he drove through the crowds trying to direct people towards the sausage sizzle (not that we need much direction when sausages are involved).

Traction Engine

so cute!

And, lastly, to make this post slightly relate to the topic of my blog, here’s what I wore:

• While lace blouse, Shanton
• Red Lolita dress, Gallery Serpentine
• Blue slip, Farmers
• Military-style jacket, Tripp NYC
• Spider thigh-high socks
• Jeffrey Campbell wedge boots
• Celtic cross necklace, a shop in my hometown (Waipukarau represent!) called Street Scene.

This gorgeous Lolita dress is made from a very soft velvet. Velvet can be difficult to wear as it can look a bit try-hard witchy-poo, especially if it’s crushed. And velvet behaves in strange ways. I have a black velvet 3/4 sleeve top with scraggly sleeves that literally rolls up as I wear it.

But this super-soft dress behaves exactly the way you ask it. When I brought it I didn’t realize quite how short it actually was, so I tend to only wear it over a slip, or as a pinafore over pants.

Apologies for another “here is what I did this weekend” post. I’ll be getting back to the real, meaty content next week.

Death, Lust and Puddling Crust.

Folk Metal Week would not be complete without an exploration of Folk Metal Fashion. So without further ado, I present you the Haute Couture of folk metal fashion.

Basically, the idea of folk metal fashion to choose a folk culture that interests you and is considered suitably “metal”, research their cultural traditions, discard everything that isn’t “grymm”, then bastardise what remains into a hustorically-inaccurate mashup of arcane symbolism and dragon t-shirts.

Clothing

Now, any aspiring folk metaller – be they lad or lass – has two choices for their folk-metal persona. They can either follow the path of the folk musician, or follow the path of the re-enactor.

If you want to go for the first option, you take fashion cues from these fine fellows:

Ian Anderson at the Isle of Wight festival, wearing some kind of dressing gown

Don't they look swell?

Irish folk band Altan

You need a black suit, a dressing gown, and some kind of weird instrument. I don’t think it’s necessary to know how to play said instrument.

Alternatively, you can go the way most metalheads go, and look like this:

Grymm

Your first step is to find a folk tradition to embrace. Look to your own country’s folk traditions for inspiration. If you’re not from Europe, this is not a problem. I’ve yet to see any Mongol or Maori-inspired folk metallers, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

If you don’t have a folk tradition, or your folk tradition sucks, start researching Vikings.

(Or Celts, or Germanic tribes. Or Mongols. But Vikings are sooo “in” right now)

Go to the library and check out books with lots of pictures. Look on Wikipedia – the source of all truth and knowledge. Find websites dedicated to folk cultures and study up on their traditions and beliefs.

I can hear you all groaning from here. Research? For fashion? She’s crazy. But hear me out, if you want to dress like a folk metaller, you have to obtain at least a passing knowledge of traditional folk cultures. Lots of metalheads are extremely into this stuff and will require you to defend your choice of getup with references to archaeological finds and contemporary texts. Or challenge you to a drinking bout. Either way, it’s best to be prepared.

Once you’ve completed your preliminary research, you need to source some basic wardrobe. Choose natural fabrics – wool, leather and fur – to protect against those harsh barbarian winters. First, a pair of trousers: your staple basic black jeans or pants will suffice, or you can go even further and find a historically-accurate pair of leather or wool pantaloons that close with a drawstring rope. Layer these monstrosities with a pair of epic boots – leather, of course, and a suitably period tunic, shirt, or vest. Or just go bare-chested with tribal tattoos – it works for the dude in the photo.

The woollen cape or cloak is preferrable to any kind of jacket, and gives a certain dramatic flourish to the folk metal outfit. I must stress that this cloak should be made of thick wool and double as a blanket – a lot of shops sell these cheap polyester blend capes. Wear one of those on a windy day and tell me you don’t want to fork over the extra money for wool.

Ladies either don their own pantaloons and boots, or find themselves a barbarian dress. You can buy these at any good medieval store or market, or though any of the multitude of online shops. While a black dress is always better, folk metal welcomes to use of other dark colours, so red, green, brown or blue dresses or accents work too.

If you wish to venture out in folk metal garb during the summer months, you could chose a lighter cotton shirt. And metal men, folk metal is the only metal genre with which you can get away with wearing a skirt, as long as it looks like this:

CDH rockin' his Wacken kilt.

“Ah, but Steff” I hear you ask, “How do I hold up my epic viking pants or kilt of doom?” Well, friends, you will probably need to invest in a suitably viking or folk-looking belt. Like this:

Viking Belt from Jell Dragon

or this:

Hair

For men, hair is worn long and unkempt. Beards are thick and bushy and often plaited with wool and beads.

For women, hair is worn long and unkempt. Beards are optional (but not uncommon).

Accessories

Accessories should be leather, horn, bone or metal, preferrably handmade and hand-forged by trollish re-enactors. Try to find accurate representations of actual archaological finds – one of the best places to find amulets, Thor’s hammers, replica coins and Gallic broaches is actually museum stores – I brought a gorgeous Anglo-Saxon replica coin (a cast of one found on the premises) from the Ashmolean Museum shop in Oxford for £1.50.

Replica Thor's Hammer pendant - original found in Romersdal on the island of Bornholm (www.wulflund.com)

Hair accessories for ladies can really complete an outfit. Again – find pieces made from natural materials and utelising traditional crafts. I recently brought myself one of these:

Raven barrette, $25US, from WInged Talon. This is so much more detailed in real like.

No folk metal outfit would be complete without the requisite drinking horn. You can buy these horns online, or from any store at a metal or medieval market, like Wacken:

Wacken drinking horns

For the complete drinking horn experience, you will also need a leather pouch to attach your horn to your belt, and a fold-away iron stand that allows you to set down your horn on the ground (tables are far too civilised) without upsetting the liquid within.

To call forth your fellow Vikings, Mongols, Saxons or Gauls, you need a summoning horn (I made that name up). You must practise the summoning horn for many hours, because when it is played by the untrained summoner it sounds like an elephant farting.

Weaponry

Folk metallers – like the LARPers of which they are so often confused – often carry weaponry suitable to their specific folk tradition.

Generally this practise is frowned upon because – a. It looks too try-hard, b. Weapons and drunk metalheads do not a sensible mix make and c. 98% of people don’t know how to correctly and safely use a weapon, and the ensuring looks of disdain from the people who actually look at historical martial arts as a serious academic discipline could melt stone.

Since some people have asked, I use a two-handed German longsword, using Talhoffer’s manual, and I made my own sword belt. I don’t fight in tournaments because I believe the rules imposed to make the tournaments “safe” (no head hits, etc) altar the style of fighting to the point when you’re no longer fighting in a recognisable historical style. We take a very academic approach to european martial arts – one day a week we all sit round with the manual, translate the text and study the pictures to figure out what is actually being shown. One day a week we fight. One day a week we do wrestling – since a good sword fight will always end with a wrestle :)

If you’re not a fighter, your probably a minstrel, so be sure to carry some kind of unqiue folk instrument everywhere you go (tin whistle players, represent!). You don’t have to play this instrument – simply the threat of playing it earns you folk metal scene points.

Style Icons

Eluveitie

turisas

Finntroll

Ensiferum

Korpiklaani

Plunder

Wulflund: My absolute favorite online shop for quality armor, swords, and pagan jewelry. It’s run by a metalhead called Milan – the coolest dude from the Czech Republic – and we brought the swords, broach pins and my Thor’s Hammer from there.

Jell Dragon: another shop for all your Viking and Saxon needs.

Winged Talon: Leather hair accessories.

Batwings and Battleaxes: “Viking” metal wrist cuffs

What do you wear when you want to look suitably “folkish?” What folk traditions particularly speak to you?
Raise your horns! \m/
Steff Metal

Steff Metal will return shortly.

“I would crawl through the mud, bro­ken glass and pos­si­bly the piss ditches to see these bands. As long as I didn’t spill my beer.”

Yes, metalheads can – and have – endured the infamous piss ditches with a smile, as long as they have a pint in hand and something to headbang to. But when we adopted beer as the metalhead drink of choice, did we realise we joined a long and noble lineage of beer-drinkers?

Any substance containing carbohydrates has the potential to ferment and become beer – so variations of beer would have been invented independently throughout the ancient world. 10 000 years ago humans stopped wandering the forest and started thinking “You know what? Here’s a nice field. I could totally live here for a few years. I could even build a little hut. With a roof. And maybe a room for all my women. What luxury! All the other ape-humans sure will be jealous.”

They started planting crops and baking bread. Some archaeologists believe bread was originally baked not as a food product, but a convenient way to carry around the means of brewing beer.

an Egyptian servant girl pouring beer.

No one people can claim the invention of beer. A caveman on a pub crawl would taste a different beer in every region. From the Sumarians (who occupied the land between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers including the cities of Babylon and Ur) we get the first ever recorded recipe for beer.

“You are the one who soaks the malt in a jar
The waves rise, the waves fall…
Ninkasi, you are the one
You are the one who holds with both hands the great sweet wort…
Ninkasi, you are the one who pours out the filtered beer of the collector vat,
It is [like] the onrush of Tigris and Euphrates”

Other texts describe the effect of the drink as making people feel “exhilerated, wonderful and blissful!”

The Alulu tablet - found in the Sumerian city of Ur - displays a reciept for "best" beer.

Here’s a sampling of ancient beer:

5000 years ago, Chinese civilisations brewed a beer known as kui.

Egyptian Pharoahs downed mugs of beer made from barley bread. Egyptian beer – like everything else in Egypt – played an important part in religious ceremonies. Egyptian Doctors prescribed beer as a cure for many common ailments. A medical document of the 1600 BC lists the prescriptions for 700 ailments, over 100 of which include the word “beer”.

The Egyptians were the first known culture to begin recording dates for batches of brew to judge fermentation time, as well as devising a rating system for beer.

A Victorian scholar with the metal name of James Death postulated an unpopular but not discreditable theory that the “manna” God sent from heaven for the Israelites was actually a bread-based, porridgey beer called wusa.

The Kalevala – the Finnish Epic poem collected in written form in the 1800 but comprising an ancient oral tradition – devotes more lines to the origin and brewing of beer than to the origin of humanity.

In many ancient societies, brewing was a task for women, usually priestesses.

Pacific and South American brewing practises include chewing the grains and spitting them into the fermentation vessel, where the human saliva produces converts starch into fermentable sugar.

Ancient beers were normally made from fermented bread, and had the consistancy of porridge. The Sumarians used drinking straws to slurp up the beer so they wouldn’t accidentally eat the bitter hops. I know – that sounds like just what you need after a hard day of cultivating – a bowl of fermented bread pulp. Yum.

A Babylonian Tablet describing the brewing process (c3100BCE)

Although beer was brewed in Greece and Rome, both preferred wine, and writers like Tacitus wrote about the disagreeable taste of the beer brewed by the Germanic tribes. It was during the Classical period that wine gained its reputation as a refined, upper class drink, and beer because associated with the lower classes and hoi barbaroi.

Incidentally, with Christianity came more beer. As part of their mission to provide food, drink and shelter, Monks set up breweries in the monastries and were the first to turn brewing into a recognisable trade. St. Augustine of Hippo, St. Nicholas and St. Luke the Evangelist were all patron saints of brewing.

A 13th century Dominican priest, Jofroi of Waterford, wrote an elaborate catalogue of all the beers and wines of Europe, which he apparently described “with great relish” and gave recommendations for scholars and counsellers.

Because the purity of water could not be guaranteed, most people drank some form of alcohol (which had been boiled at some point of the brewing process) with every meal. Beer was the most popular drink in Europe throughout the Middle Ages, but because the doctors and physicians had been trained in Classical thought – they considered beer extremely unhealthy:

“But from whichever it is made, whether from oats, barley or wheat, it harms the head and the stomach, it causes bad breath and ruins the teeth, it fills the stomach with bad fumes, and as a result anyone who drinks it along with wine becomes drunk quickly; but it does have the property of facilitating urination and makes one’s flesh white and smooth” The Aldobrandino of Siena – 1256

Along Came Hops

Beer made with hops was perfected in Germany in the 13th century, and the Germans started a medium scale export of this longer-lasting beer to the rest of Europe. Making beer with hops became popular in Holland in the 14th century and England in the 15th century. The English government declared laws to enforce the use of hops in beer. The English peasants – convinced adding hops destroyed the taste of beer – rose up and rebelled against this law, but were brutally put down.

And you can probably guess the story from here: industrial revolution = large-scale brewing apparatus = increase in beer production = more drunk Englishmen = football hooligans and chavs.

And metalheads. Who drink more beer per capita than chavs. And have more fun. And listen to better music. And we aren’t sleeping with our sisters.

Are we?

Drinking horn

Steff Metal’s Favorite Beers

Please beer (haha) in mind I am a wussy girl and much prefer met and cider to beer.

Schlossbrau
Corona
Excaliber
Pirate Ale (tastes like shite but it has a picture of a pirate on it)

Best Beer-Drinking Folk Metal Songs (and a couple of non-folk metal drinking songs, for good measure):

Korpiklaani – Beer Beer
Skyclad – Another Drinking Song
Korpiklaani – Happy Little Boozer
Alestorm – Wenches and Mead
Ensiferum – One More Magic Potion
Korpiklaani – Wooden Pints (are you noticing a trend here?)
Tankard – The Beauty and the Beer
Korpiklaani – Let’s Drink!
Finntroll – Trollhammaren
Turisas – One More!
Tankard – The Empty Tankard
George Thorogood – One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
Scurvy – The Grog Song
Metallica – So What? (cover)
Dropkick Murphys – Kiss Me I’m Shitfaced
And Manowar – Brothers of Metal.

Deities of Beer:

We should pour libations in their honour, you know.

Osiris – inventer of beer in Ancient Egypt.
Dionysos and Sinenus – Greek gods of beer and wine and drunken debauchery.
Bacchus – Roman god of beer and wine and drunken debauchery.
Siris and Ninkasi – Babylonian goddesses of beer.
Gambrinus – the mythical Flemish king who supposedly invented beer.
Tezcatzontecatl – Aztec god of inebriation. One drink for everyone who incorrectly pronounces his name.
Radegast – the God of hospitality and beer in the Czech Republic.
In Norse legend, Ægir (sea god), Ran (his wife) and their nine daughters brewed beer for the Gods. And we’re talking Norse gods here, so they must have brewed a LOT of beer. The cups in Ægir’s hall were always full, magically refilling themselves when emptied.
Raugupatis and Ragutiene – the God of fermentation and his consort in Baltic mythology.
St. Augustine of Hippo, St. Nicholas and St. Luke the Evangelist – the patron saints of brewing.

Further Reading:

Delwen Samual, 1996. A Modern Scientific Study of Egyptian Brewing Methods.
More beer enthusiasts attempt to create beer using the Hymm to Ninkasi recipe.
Miguel Civil, Hymm to Ninkasi (full text).

So metalheads, I want to see comments! I want to know beer recommendations! I want to read your best stories about being pissed and metal! Who’s up for a round of the “Manowar Drinking Game?”

Raise Your Horns! \m/
Steff Metal