Steff Metal

I’ve been reading through my current survey results and I’ve noticed that people seem to want more reviews. I really don’t want to get into reviewing albums becuase I do feel that’s done better elsewhere.

I read one or two books a week. I have rather eclectic tastes, but I’m certain I can find a few books you lot might enjoy reading. Like this one:

The Forest of Hands and Teeth

In Mary’s world, there are simple truths.
The Sisterhood always knows best.
The Guardians will protect and serve.
The Unconsecrated will never relent.
And you must always mind the fence that surrounds the village. The fence that protects the village from the Forest of Hands and Teeth.

Port’o'call: The Forest of Hands and Teeth, a YA zombie apocalypse novel with heavy overtones of the movie The Village.

Mateys: Carrie Ryan, who might not like metal, but she was a lawyer with a fetish for zombie films, thus making her OK by me.

Premise: Mary lives in a tiny village surrounded by a high fence. She knows nothing about why the world now contains two types of people: those in her village and the undead outside the fence, who prey upon the flesh of the living. 

After her mother is bitten and joins the Unconsecrated, Mary is sent to the Sisters to be prepared for marriage. She’s supposed to marry Harry, but she’s in love with his brother, Travis, who’s been bethrothed to her best friend. Angst ensues … but then the fences are breached and the village overrun.

Mary, Harry, Travis, Cas (Mary’s best friend), Mary’s brother and his wife, and an orphaned boy they saved from the attack all escape through a gate in the fence. On either side of the path are high fences to protect them from the unconsecrated. The Sisterhood told them never to come here. They start to walk.

Why it’s Krieg: If you’re not already dying to read this from the title alone … you might be on the wrong blog :) The writing doesn’t dissapoint – Ryan weaves evocative language and difficult themes with subtlty and grace. And there are zombies.

I love zombies. Those faceless, lumbering flesh-gluttons form the perfect narrative device for authors to rail against society’s foibles: overpopulation, futility of life, consumerism, cultural values, collective conscience, pack behaviour … But Ryan’s zombies resonate on a different level: they match perfectly the conflicting thoughts of a teenaged girl faced with love, loss and hard decisions. They represent the unstoppable social order she’s bound to.

Why it’s Emo: It’s a YA book, so it reads a little short. It’s one of those books where you’re completly wrapped in the story, and you turn the page and realise you’re on the last chapter and there’s no way she can wrap everything up and answer all your questions. And she doesn’t. And this always bugs me.

There is a sequel, The Dead-Tossed Waves, coming out soon, but until I get my hands on it, I remain annoyed that so much in this book wasn’t explained.

Quote:

People in our village have gone mad from seeing their loved ones as Unconsecrated. It was a woman—a mother—horrified at the sight of her son infected during a patrol, who set herself on fire and burned half of our town. That was the fire that destroyed my family’s heirlooms when I was a child, that obliterated our only ties to who we were as a people before the Return, though most were so corroded by then that they left only wisps of memories.

Rating: \m/ \m/ \m/ \m/ (she looses one \m/ because the ending makes me curious, and angry).

Awhile back I saw a great post on Problogger, asking readers to submit lists of the blogs in their niche to watch out for in 2010. Although I was too busy being awesome to get mine in on time, I’m posting it anyway, for those of you who might like a little more metal in your daily interweb perusing:

1. Positively Bleak by E. Bleak

Emily Bleak is a self-proclaimed proud pretentious metalhead, obsessive horror junkie and hobbyist blasphemer, among other titles. Her blog focuses on heavy metal lifestyle topics, like Getting the GWAR Off and On Dressing for the Frozen Wastelands. Also, she’s awesome. 

2. Reign in Blonde by Julia and Elise

Winners of the unofficial “most kickass blog name of all time” competition. Reign in Blonde is written by two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. They went to an Ashlee Simpson show together and yelled “Slayeeerrr!” over the heads of a bunch of nine year olds – they’re those kind of girls. They write awesome content and think Gabe Garcia is hot, which makes them alright by me.

3. Baroque, Bleak, Brutal by Eric

An epic name for an epic blog. Baroque Bleak Brutal seeks to explore and pay homage to all of the complexity, barrenness, and savagery of metal. I don’t usually read album reviews, because I find them quite boring and subjective, but I read theirs. Check out their As the Palaces Burned features.

4. Metalographer by Danielle

Part of the essence of being metal is taking pictures of quote “epic shit” unquote. A recent discovery, Danielle photographs scenes, objects, spaces, places, animals and people she considers aptly “metal”. She’s bloody grymm. And she’s obsessed with Alice in Wonderland …

5. NO CLEAN SINGING by Islander, Alexis and IntoTheDarkness

No Clean Singing exists on the premise that 1) all popular music sucks, 2) metal doesn’t suck, unless it’s metal with clean singing, in which case it probably does suck, 3) Some metal with clean singing doesn’t suck, but that’s an exception to the rule and 4) Some metal with no clean singing also sucks, but that’s also an exception to the rule. They then proceed to do a steller job of backing up these statements with writing and plenty of pictures of long-haired dudes staring contemptuously at the camera.

I have discovered SO MANY epic new bands through them. These guys deserve major horns for supporting Steff Metal, but aside from that, they’re a great source of really in-depth metal discussion and growly grymness.

6. Rakk and Ruin by Rakk and Ruin

A blog of grymm and epic fashion pictures. Everything is way too expensive and designer for me, but it’s an excellent source of inspiration. You can also get some epic (and incredibly budget-conscious) jewelry at the Rakk and Ruin shop.

7. Metal From Finland by Tero and others

Most of my favorite metal at the moment comes from Finland, so I love a blog that keeps my up-to-date on the Finnish metal happenings, and that’s exactly what MFF does. You will see regular HIM updates, which are irksome, but trust me – most of their content is grand. And they have Perkele t-shirts!

8. The Palpable Obscure by Ana

I’ve been reading Ana’s blog for ages, centuries even, back when it was called Kvlt Fashion. She was the first blogger to ever inspire me to post daily outfit photos. A tall leggy blonde with impeccable style and a love of Wolves of the Throne Room, Ana’s always posting inspirational fashion shoots from around the globe.

9. Metal as Fuck by Leticia and various contributors

Called by some “the world’s most obliterating metal zine” metal as fuck is the moonchild of Leticia Supple, and includes some great pieces from Kay of Enter the Goatlady. They employ contributors from all over the world, for real global coverage of everything – and I do mean everything – metal. It is one of the BEST metal zines in the world, period. The quality of the writing blows most magazines out of the water. Read their interviews. Right Now.  

10. Cosmic Hearse by Aesop

Ever since I started reading Cosmic Hearse, I’ve been drowning in underground metal and Japanese crazy. Not a day goes by CDH doesn’t walk past my office, stop, turn around and cry “what the fuck are you listening to?” For that reason alone, you should check out this blog. Cosmic Hearse shares hard-to-find and special recordings from various metal and underground projects. The recordings span the genres – it’s not all tr00 kvlt kreig grymm nekro eeevil black metal here. Aesop places each album contextually within metal and underground music as a whole – sometimes they are rare EPs from popular bands, sometimes scratchy recordings of barely musical noise. And Cosmic Hearse takes nothing away from the artist – all these tracks are legitimately found.

and secret number 11.

Steff Metal by Steff (that’s me!)

Why should you read it? Well, you tell me :)

What are you reading this year?

Horns up! \m/
Steff

Heavy Metal and You, by Christopher Krovatin

Boy listens to lots of loud music and hangs with his friends. Boy meets girl. Boy falls dippy-happy-scared-as-hell in love with girl. Friends meet girl — and aren’t impressed. Girl meets friends — and isn’t impressed. Boy meets big dilemma. Boy plays music even louder.

I haven’t done a review in … several months. Rest assured, this will change now that I’m in the same place long enough to read books, watch movies and do things worthy of review.

Port O’ Call: Heavy Metal and Me, Scholastic, is a book aimed at the young adult (teen) readers.

Mateys: Written by Christopher Krovatin, who was born in 1985, the same year that Slayer released Hell Awaits.

Premise: Sam the pot-smoking, classical literature lovin’ metalhead meets Melissa, the girl of his dreams. Smart, cute, funny … and totally straight edge. After a disasterous date at a Deicide concert, Sam tries his hardest to please Melissa … but that means changing who he is. Giving up drugs, alcohol, smoking and his friends come easier than Sam thought, but Heavy Metal?

Why it’s Kreig: Krovatin has been compared to Nick Hornby – a well-justified claim. He writes with humor, raw passion and a deep respect for the music and the people who love it. A book like this could only have been written by a metalhead.

I love that it shows a character more like the metalheads that I know – intelligent, literate and articulate. Sammy is a real metalhead, a real person, not a caricature of us. He’s self-aware, he doesn’t spend the novel whining about no one understanding him or randomly inserting Slayer lyrics into conversation for comedic purposes.

He’s also smitten, and he makes mistakes, and you love him all the more for it. You love him because he’s you when you were sixteen, and in love, and you thought you knew what you were doing, but really you didn’t. Sammy deals with his situation, his perfect girlfrined – who wanted the intelligent, funny Sam without his friend and his smoking and his anger and his heavy metal.

Krovatin says:

“I’ve fallen for one girl too many who’s wanted some variation of who I am and only that. It eats you alive.”

It eats Sammy alive, too. And we read this, and we just want to jump into the book and give him a hug and tell him that actually, he’s a totally awesome person, just the way he is.

Melissa, the girlfriend, is another incredible character. She’s so human, you can’t hate her. She’s not an idealised, bitch girlfriend who’s easy to hate. She just doesn’t yet understand that chosing to be with someone means accepting all of them.

Likewise, Sammy’s friends remind me of real people I knew in high school.

Sam goes off on these amazing, off-the-wall awesome and totally hilarious rants – about music, about life, about hipsters. And they’re all so true:

“I’ve always thought that, as much as I utterly loathed some of it, music was still music, be it Annihilator or Good Charlotte or Ja Rule or Sigor Ros or Christina fucking Aguilera, and that assholes are assholes, regardless of their musical taste.  Hipsters, though, were the anti-what-I-just said.  There are hipsters for every musical genre: metal hipsters, Goth hipsters, rap hipsters, even country hipsters (well, a few).  And by the look of it, I had two emo/indie megahipsters in front of me – the worst kind.  I don’t know why, but it just seemed like those two genres of music bred more hipsters than any other.”

And, lastly, who couldn’t adore a heavy metal love story set to a soundtrack of Slayer and Testament and Paradise Lost?

Why it’s emo: It’s clear (and unsurprising given the author’s age at the time this book was written) that Sammy is a manifestation of the author’s own experiences and opinions. Krovatin even says as much in this interview. There is a real honesty about Sam – he’s a person I feel I really know.

However, he has a couple of emo moments – crying about his past and such – and they’re not as well shown as I felt they could be. The author, knowing his own internal thoughts so well, glossed over them a little, so the impact of Sam’s breakdowns wasn’t as strong as it could have been. Instead, he came across as a bit, well, emo.

Also, some more discerning metal readers might disagree with many of Sam’s listening choices. (Shadow’s Fall, what?) and could find fault in simplistic descriptions of the Norwegian Black Metal scene. But I don’t feel either of these points detract from the awesomeness of the story and characters.

Quote: “My teeth were nice commodities, and I did enjoy having kidneys, but I’d give them all away if someone threatened to take my Slayer albums from me.”

Rating: four horns for being a little on the emo side \m/ \m/ \m/ \m/

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff

I stumbled across a few news articles from 2007 confirming what we’ve all known for decades – the Clever Kids Listen to Heavy Metal.

Kitty Empire of the Observer wrote the first piece: Why Heavy Metal Freaks are Kissing to be Clever. She discusses the results of a study conducted by Stuart Cadwallader of Warwick University, who found that one-third of his sample (drawn from the National Academy of Gifted and Talented Youth) rated metal as their favorite genre. Metal beat out jazz and classical, commonly thought to be the favorite among pimply-braniacs.

Being one of the pimply-brainiac-metal-loving kids, I just wanted to say “Of course it bloody is.”

Metal isn’t what people think it is. First of all, much of it is complex, multi-layered, mind-blowing musicianship. Second, with lyrical themes running the gambit of literature, history, religion, art and human emotion, metal speaks to intelligent people on many subjects and themes. Metal connects with the very aspects of the world clever people find most fascinating.

Thirdly, clever kids in general face exclusion and bullying at school, and pressure from parental units at home. Heavy metal is a culture of inclusion – as Manowar says “If you like metal, you’re my friend.” What pimply-brainiac would be able to resist that message? I sure can’t.

Empire says “In the savage ‘uuuurgh’ of metal you can hear the collective human howl of disgust at a world gone mad. It’s the sound of the rejected getting even, the trampled-on standing up, the unbeautiful settling scores with the buffed.” Its fucking heaven on earth is what it is.

Paul Connolly of the London Lite disputes the case of clever metallers in his article Metal Kids aren’t brighter, they’re just more needy. Connolly argues that the metal kids in the survey admitted to listening to metal to “let off steam” and vent frustrations through aggressive music. “That says more about their upbringing than anything else.” Connolly thinks the kids who appreciate many forms of music – those with “open minds” – are the smartest kids.

I think Connolly makes the mistake of confusing subculture with musical taste, as most metalheads I know listen to a wide variety of music. You can’t love Slayer all the time. Around 60% of my music collection is metal and metal derivatives – the rest is a mixture of … everything else. I bet a lot of these kids are exactly the same – you can listen to a little bit of everything and still consider yourself a metalhead. Being a metalhead has more to do with who you are on the inside.

I think his “metalhead” kids and “open minded kids” are actually one and the same.

What do you think, gentle readers? Do Immortal and Intelligence go hand in hand? Does being clever make you more susceptible to liking metal? Is the rise of “popular” metal and metalcore affecting this statistics? Will true metal prevail against its naysayers? I want your opinions!

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff

Dear Steff Metal

I always wanted to be a writer, but I don’t know where to begin. I’m in my third year of an English major at college and I don’t have anything to show for it except for some better-than-average marks and several short stories the school Lit magazine won’t touch with a ten-foot clown pole. Should I stick around for a MFA? Do you have any advice on how to get started as a writer?

***

I sure do!

First, I’ll tell you my story, since I can only offer you advice based on my own experiences.

I went to university to be an archaeologist. I loved every minute of my four years there. I took papers on museum ethnography, social anthropology, gothic literature, ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, love and death in classical literature … and a really terrible, terrible English paper called ‘Reading, Writing, Text.’

While at uni I wrote a few short stories and submitted some poems to the English dept. magazine. Some were accepted, despite their obvious crappiness. I poked at my novel a little when I had a spare moment, dreaming of the day I accepted my Pulitzer.

Photo by Alial Hasani , a Jordanian metal blogger and photographer.

In my third year I noticed an ad in Student Job Search: ‘Content Writer Wanted for Real Estate Newsletter’. Money for writing? I’d never heard of the concept. I applied with a sample piece about how I was obsessed with Dr. Phil (I know – pathetic) and got the job.

I had to write two 400 word articles per week on general interest topics, and I got paid $40 per piece. I kept that job till I finished uni. I enjoyed getting my monthly check so much I decided to submit articles to magazines.

I wrote my first articles on topics I studied at uni, music I listened to and problems I encountered. Somehow – despite knowing nothing at all about the query letter – I sent out several query letters to editors, and I ended up with a few projects, and a few checks. I was hooked.

When uni finished I simply stepped up my writing pace, and I started reading about writing online – on industry blogs and in discussion forums. I finished my novel and won a competition to pitch it to a HarperCollins editor, which was a massive ego boost! I’ve since finished three more novels with a forth half done. I’ve also self-published five ebooks, which sell through my websites.

The only writing course I took at uni taught me nothing about being a writer. I learned everything from trial and error, reading on the internet, writing, and sending off my work to editors and agents.

I learn by doing, so for me, sitting in a classroom talking about writing didn’t teach me anything. My archaeology degree gave me new skills, crazy experiences, and heaps of interesting factoids to write about. My non-writing degree helped my writing career more than a MFA (or MCW in New Zealand) ever could.

I can’t tell you what’s best for you. I can only talk about what worked for me. Because of my specific experiences, when people ask me what they should study at university if they want to be a writer, I say “anything but writing.” I believe if you really are a writer, you learn everything you need to know by writing, not by sitting in a lecture theatre talking about writing. Unless you’re going to be an English teacher, an English degree will be naught use in the real world.

If you want to be a writer – really be a writer – you need to write. And then, you need to submit. Aspiring writers often forget the submitting stage, because it involves the bane of every writer’s existence – rejection. When you start submitting, you start getting rejections letters, and they bruise your tender ego something terrible, especially in the beginning.

I recommend you start discovering the realities of the writing life while you’re still at uni. Sign up to FundsForWriters free newsletters, read up on writing query letters, (I pack lots of info into my Freelance Success ebook). Use Duotrope to find short story and poetry markets. Read industry blogs. Join a writing discussion forum.

Try this for a few months, and reassess how you feel about writing. Which mediums do you enjoy? Which do you detest? I’ve discovered that I enjoy novel writing, magazine articles, ebooks and copywriting the most, and short stories the least. I concentrate my effort on those four areas.

You may discover you no longer want to make writing a full time career, but you enjoy it as a side hobby. You may discover a knack for writing non-fiction you never knew you possessed, or a knack for blogging.

You can’t make a decision about the future without arming yourself with information first. Learn the realities of the writing life before you decide to dedicate another two years of university and several thousand dollars to your pursuit. Above all else – write. Always write.

Resources

• Holly Lisle’s website contains over 100 000 free words about writing fiction. She also stocks some excellent ebooks on writing (including one of mine).
• The free writing newsletter Writers Weekly contains articles, markets and information for writers of all walks of life.
• The Swivet is agent Colleen Lindsay’s blog and a great industry blog to start reading. The sidebar contains over 150 links to other blogs, sites and forums for writers.
• Nathan Bransford is another blogging agent
• Miss Snark bites down on foolish writers.

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses

Steff

This weeks Linking Horns focuses on rare and random stories of extreme heavy metal lifestyle. Some of these articles are a couple of years old, but none the less interesting, I feel.

Is heavy metal a disability? Roger Tullgren, 42, from Hässleholm in southern Sweden, recieves state benefits for his unique disability – he’s a metal fan. After an occupational psychologist declared that his compulsion to “show his heavy metal style … puts him in a difficult position in the labour market”, the government supplements Tullgran’s income and his boss gives him special dispensation to play loud music at work.

Tom Findlay explores Nietzsche and Heavy Metal. A thought-provoking read.

Friedrich Nietzsche - check out that grymm moustache!

Heavy Metal is making an underground comeback in Egypt. In the 1990s, metal was popular and many bands played in Cairo, including the popular Egpytian acts Steel Edge, Vyrus and Andromeda (these bands played mostly covers). In 1997, police rampaged against the metalheads, arresting hundreds for alleged satanic cultist activites. Now, black-t shirts and skull-emblazoned album covers are creeping back into Cairo’s music scene.

Many bright teenagers use heavy metal to deal with the stress of being a gifted outcast. Finally, a study that legitimises my entire youth.

For you budding academics, a conference titled Heavy Fundementalism: Music, Metal and Politics is taking place in Salzburg, Austria from 10-12 November. Read about 2008’s conference here. If I’d known before the cut-off date, I would have sent in an abstract. Oh well, I’ve contacted the organizors and hope to bring you some interesting updates from the conference later in the year.

Heavy Metal Music Rocking Finnish Churches. An interesting concept. Discuss.

A pilot study into the Effects of Heavy Metal Music on College Women finds that heavy metal induces strong physiological reactions in women. Interesting.

That’s all for now. I’ve been enjoying reading these random articles. I’m a little tied up at the moment with travelling to write my usual responses, but I might look at discussing some of these ideas in-depth upon my return to NZ.

Until next time, keep it Kreig, my friends
Steff

Every metalhead knows there are only three true metal languages: Norwegian, German and Orcish. So to help you on your path to ultimate metaldom, I’ve compiled this list of handy metal phrases in Norwegian. Most of these were pilfered from threads on the Wacken forum archives page, so head over there if you’re interested in learning more.

Gaahl, vocalist for the Norwegian black metal band Gorgoroth

Below I’ve listed a selection of delightful phrases you need to know to speak fluent heavy metal Norwegian. (Warning, contains some coarse language)

General Phrases

God morgen = Good Morning

Ka e klokka? = What’s the time?

Skjitbra = really good (shite-good)

Dødsrått = Even better (Death-raw)

Gi meg en øl kjære venn = Bring me beer dear friend!

Hvordan har du det? = How are you doing?

Jeg må spy… = I’ve got to puke …

Kor i hælvete e dassen?? = Where the hell is the toilet? (Usually needed quite quickly)

Faen hvor dyrt det er da! = Fuck, it is so expensive! (said every day while visiting Norway)

Bakrus = Hangover

Fyllesjuk = Really bad hangover

Full = Drunk

Dritafull = Dead drunk

Vann (usually said early in the morning) = WATER!!! NOW!

Har du no mat? = Do you got anything (i) can eat?

Crowd waiting for Wolf at Bloodstock 2007. Photo by I is Ashby

Festival Talk

Du er søt = You’re pretty

Du er drit pen = You’re really pretty

Mitt eller ditt telt? = mine or your tent?

Kor faen e telte mitt?? = Where the hell is my tent

Du lukter noe inn i helvete vondt = You smell bad

Gi faen i å snike i køen = Get back in line

Har du en øl? = Did you got a beer for me?

Skål for faen = Cheers\Proost for the devil!

Hvor er dassen? = Wheres the toilet?

Jeg elsker deg = I love you

Fest = Party

Jeg ikke har en øl = I don’t have a beer. Too bad :(

The opposite sex

For ei dame = What a woman!

Klø mæ på ryggen = Would you scratch my back?

Ikke bit = Don’t bite!

Kæm spælle no? = Who’s playing now?

Vil du værra me mæ heim? = Do you want to go come with me to my home?

Du har nydelige øyne = you have beautiful eyes

Du lukter så godt = you smell really good

Du er så annerledes = you are so different from everybody else (a sure winner..)

Jeg spanderer en øl = i’ll buy you a beer

Jeg blir så glad når jeg ser deg = I become happy when I see you

Jeg har sett på deg i hele kveld = I have been watching you all night

Du er nydelig = you are gorgeous!

Insults and Swearwords

Perkele! = Devil. Best swear word in world by popular vote. Use this as often as possible, no matter what the situation. Perkele can be put in the middle of any phrase to add strength.

Hestkuk = Horsedick

Kukhode\Kukhue = Dickhead

Faen\fanden = the Devil

Hold Kjeft \ klapp igjen = Shut up

Dra til Helvete = Go to hell

Kyss mæ i ræva = Kss my ass

kveithau = big flat fish’s head (usually used about some idiot)

Remember folks, this list is just for a giggle. Please don’t go around calling people ‘kveithau’ and ‘Kukhode’. No one deserves to be insulted, in any language.

We’ve arrived in Calais in one piece (for a given value of one) and are on our way up to Scandinavia. I shall keep you updated on how many useful Norwegian metal phrases we manage to utelize whilst in Norway. If you can think of any others, please let me know!

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff