I found this truly insightful article on dating losers on The Frisky. It’s one man’s rebuttal to those articles in woman’s magazines about ‘How to Spot a Loser’. Read it. I swear the title doesn’t do it justice.

“Consider the flipside. Hey, we live like frat boys, but maybe we don’t want to live in a Bed, Bath & Beyond showroom. OK, we don’t call, but maybe you call, text, instant message, and Facebook too much? Yeah, sure, we talk about ourselves a lot, but only during the brief moments of silence when you’re not talking about yourself. And while we’re on the topic: We’re not cheap, your Daddy’s rich, not to mention that he was emotionally unavailable during your youth. And one other thing: That lipstick makes you look like the Joker.”

You can’t hold a person up to a fantasy “perfect partner” because sooner or later, they will fall flat. Yes, you need to understand yourself well enough to know what you want and need in a lover, but you can recite a laundry list of traits you expect them to adhere to. My husband doesn’t like Nick Cave. In fact, he can’t stand Nick. He’s obviously crazy, but I’m not going to divorce him any time soon.

We’re all losers, people. Dorky, metal-obsessed, nervous, sweaty-palmed losers. We’re defined by our “loserdom”, all of us. If you met me in real life you’d be talking to an extremely sky, oddly-dressed girl with wonky eyes and a tendancy to crash into things. I’m a total loser, and I would never want to be any different. Love is all about laughing at yourself with another loser – that’s what makes metalhead love so amazingly awesome. Love and kisses and Cephalic Carnage – how amazing is that?

The beautiful things in life aren’t easy, or simple, or compatible. I find the concept of “dating” so inherently flawed because so much of it is based on superficial attributes, and it’s spawned this whole dating culture, where we compare star charts, meet people online based on matching lists of favorite bands and read magazines that print those ‘how to spot a loser’ articles, and we can’t help but get sucked in, just a little.

Ladies, why are you wasting your time worrying about who’s paying for the check or how scuffed his shoes are or whether he’s called you today? Don’t we have more interesting stuff to wonder about, like how he’d look dressed in woman’s clothing or whether he’d like you to paint him a mural for his birthday? Aren’t there kittens to hug and sausage rolls to eat?

The thing about woman’s magazines everyone has to remember is that they’re targeted to an audience – young, successful woman who like to look good, feel confident, and take control. These are strong, sassy woman who’s men of choice – for reasons known best to themselves – resemble the men in these articles. But not all men are like this, not all woman are like this. We’re all losers, really.

Don’t worry whether you’re compatible – worry about whether you connect, whether you get each other. Whether being together just seems sensible. Worry about who will eat the last slice of pie, worry about which side of his neck to kiss him on, worry about that evil glint in her eye, worry about the fluttery feeling in your heart every time they walk past you in the hall and you happen to be carrying an entire stack of chocolate brownies and their very presence turns your entire body into a jelly blob which crashes into a pole and brownies fly everywhere …

Dating should not be about weeding the losers from the ‘creme’, whoever the fuck they are. Dating should be about meeting new, exciting and interesting people, and sometimes, maybe, feeling that connection that shoots lasers up your spine.

That’s all from me. Loser out!

Super snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses
Steff